A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. A clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?"
He answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin.”
Today is the first day of the rest of your life - but so was yesterday and look how you messed that up.
A lady lost her handbag while shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "That's funny. When I lost my bag there was only a $100 bill in it. Now there are five $20 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward.”
Microphone Fail:
At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion.
One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head. "No, no," I said. "Those jeans look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair."
As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt.”
A group of rednecks sat around the pot-bellied stove in the country store, discussing the mysteries of life. "I'm going deaf and blind," sighed one old fellow. "I don't know what the good Lord wants to leave me here for."
"Now, Mr. McCoy," replied his Pastor friend, "the Lord's ways are not our ways, and we can't always understand. But if He's left you here He's got work for you to do."
Mr. McCoy sat for a minute in quiet meditation, then announced, "Well ... I'm not gonna do it.”
