Harry came into the office an hour late for the third time in a week. "What's the story this time, Harry?" his boss asked sarcastically. Let's hear a good excuse for a change."
Harry sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the draw bridge got stuck. I swam across the river, see, my suit's still damp. Ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Trump's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall
"You'll have to do better than that, Harry," said the boss.
"But that's what happened! Why don't you believe me?"
"Simple, Harry, no woman has EVER gotten ready in ten minutes!”
I love you more today than yesterday...
Yesterday you really got on my nerves.
I had moved to South Carolina from New York New York State
I drove down a country road and found a garage that had an inspection sign. When I told the mechanic what I needed, he circled the car, turned on the lights and honked the horn. Then he attached a new sticker and asked me for the three-dollar fee.
I was shocked. "Is that all you have to do to let it pass inspection?" I asked.
"Well," he answered, "you drove it here, didn't you?”
Why Women Need Catalogs:
A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky. An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket.
"How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked.
The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky.
"You mean," asked the motorist, "that even HE is against me?’
One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.
The diver went down another 20 ft, but the guy joined him a few minutes later.
The diver went down another 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote: "How are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote: "I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!”
