Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion
for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met
a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would
marry, he thought to himself, She'll never go through with the
marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were
married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down
and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told
her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way
home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked
beans overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk
off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and
ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of
baked beans. All the way home he farted. He farted down one hill
and farted up the next. By the time he arrive home he felt
reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She
exclaimed, Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you
for dinner tonight!. She put a blindfold on him, and led him to
his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to
peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming
on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the
telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she
returned, and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his
weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a
rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his
napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel
better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and
rriiipppp!. It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled
worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while,
hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned
to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight
to his other let and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner;
the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute
later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear
tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his
promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the
next ten minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his
napkin.
When he heard the phone farewells, he neatly laid his napkin on
his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly,
he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the
dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed
the blindfold and yelled, Surprise!
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated
around the table for his surprise birthday party.
for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met
a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would
marry, he thought to himself, She'll never go through with the
marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were
married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down
and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told
her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way
home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked
beans overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk
off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and
ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of
baked beans. All the way home he farted. He farted down one hill
and farted up the next. By the time he arrive home he felt
reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She
exclaimed, Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you
for dinner tonight!. She put a blindfold on him, and led him to
his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to
peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming
on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the
telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she
returned, and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his
weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a
rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his
napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel
better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and
rriiipppp!. It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled
worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while,
hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned
to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight
to his other let and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner;
the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute
later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear
tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his
promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the
next ten minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his
napkin.
When he heard the phone farewells, he neatly laid his napkin on
his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly,
he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the
dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed
the blindfold and yelled, Surprise!
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated
around the table for his surprise birthday party.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were
at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was
outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on
everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to
determine who indeed had the coldest igloo.
They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said, "Watch
this!" and threw a cup of water into the air. Well, the water
froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid.
"Not bad", said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their
igloo was colder still. So they went to the second Eskimo's
igloo, and he said, "Watch this!" and took a big breath and
exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to
the floor.
"Wow, that's colder than mine!" said the first Eskimo.
But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still. So they
ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said, "Watch this!" and
went into the bedroom, threw back the thick furs, and retrieved
one of several small balls of ice there. He took it, put it in a
spoon, and held a match under it.
When it heated up enough, it went... "FFFAAAARRRTTT!
at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was
outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on
everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to
determine who indeed had the coldest igloo.
They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said, "Watch
this!" and threw a cup of water into the air. Well, the water
froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid.
"Not bad", said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their
igloo was colder still. So they went to the second Eskimo's
igloo, and he said, "Watch this!" and took a big breath and
exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to
the floor.
"Wow, that's colder than mine!" said the first Eskimo.
But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still. So they
ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said, "Watch this!" and
went into the bedroom, threw back the thick furs, and retrieved
one of several small balls of ice there. He took it, put it in a
spoon, and held a match under it.
When it heated up enough, it went... "FFFAAAARRRTTT!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Housework was a woman's job, but one
evening, Jenny arrived home from work
to find the children bathed, one load of
laundry in the washer and another in the
dryer Dinner was on the stove, and the
table set. She was astonished!
It turns out that Ralph had read an article
that said, 'Wives who work full-time and
had to do their own housework were too
tired to have sex'.
The night went very well. The next day,
she told her office friends all about it.
'We had a great dinner. Ralph even
cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the
kids do their homework, folded all the
laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed
the evening.'
'But what about afterward?'
asked her friends.
'Oh, that........ Ralph was too tired.'
God is good
evening, Jenny arrived home from work
to find the children bathed, one load of
laundry in the washer and another in the
dryer Dinner was on the stove, and the
table set. She was astonished!
It turns out that Ralph had read an article
that said, 'Wives who work full-time and
had to do their own housework were too
tired to have sex'.
The night went very well. The next day,
she told her office friends all about it.
'We had a great dinner. Ralph even
cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the
kids do their homework, folded all the
laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed
the evening.'
'But what about afterward?'
asked her friends.
'Oh, that........ Ralph was too tired.'
God is good
