Sick Twisted Jokes
An Elderly Couple
An elderly couple sat through a porno movie twice. They didn't get up
to leave until the theater was ready to close for the night. "You folks
must've enjoyed the show," the usher said.
"Disgusting," said the old lady. "It was revolting," her husband added.
"Then why did you sit through it twice?" the usher asks.
"We had to wait until you turned up the house lights," the old lady
replied. "We couldn't find my panties, and his teeth were in them!"
Bob: "My doctor says if I don't give up sex, I'll be dead in a week."
Bill: "Why is that?"
Bob: "I've been screwing his wife."
xxx
Jeff was seeing his doctor. The doctor said, "I have
good news and bad news."
"What's the bad news?"
"Your wife has syphillis."
"Jeez! What could possibly be good news."
"She didn't get it from you."
xxx
Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom.
"Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy said. "I'm
really nervous. I know I'll goof up!"
"Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is compliment
her. Chicks love to be complimented. You'll have her in the palm of your
hand."
About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black eye.
"Shit, man! What happened to you?!" his buddy asked.
"I took your advice."
"Didn't you compliment her?"
"Sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her that for
such full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She liked that. After awhile I
started feeling her tits, and I told her that for such large breasts
they sure were firm. She like that too."
"It sounds like you were doing great," his friend said.
"Well," the other answered, "that's when everything went wrong. I got
her dress up and her panties off, and I tried to think of another
compliment."
"What did you say?"
"For such a large crack, it doesn't stink much."
