He says, "Come on, honey. I can't remember the last time we made love." She says, "Well I can -and that's why we're not."
A while back, when I was considerably younger, I picked up a lovely date at her parents' home. I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu: Shrimp cocktail. Lobster. Patron. Champagne. I asked her," Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?" "No," she replied. "but my mother's not expecting some pussy tonight."
Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
Mary and Sue were always trying to get the other's goat and today they were meeting for lunch. Mary noticed that Sue was walking bowlegged and asked what the problem was. Sue replied, "Oh nothing. It's just that my husband is so big, I just can't take it." Mary replied, "I know… I know…"
"What does this patient have, Nurse Welby?" "A chronic erection," "And where are you taking him?" "To my apartment." (Quirit)
The party was going really well and the drinks were flowing freely. A man was getting along very well with an attractive young woman and he asked the host, "Do you mind if I use one of your spare bedrooms?" "Not at all, Dave," replied the gracious host, "the bedrooms are upstairs, but make sure you use the second one on the left." "Oh, all right…," said the man, "why?" "Tom and your wife are using the first one."
How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!
The first cloned-to-order pet sold in the United States is a 9-week-old kitten delivered to a Texas woman saddened by the loss of her pet cat, who she had owned for 17 years. The kitten cost it's owner $50,000 and was created from DNA from her beloved cat Nicky, who died last year. The resulting outcry from critics was quickly drowned out by millions of men rejoicing that women will now also have to pay a fortune just to get a little pussy."
Know the difference between pussy and parsley? Nobody eats parsley.
A farmer asked a friend to recommend an attorney to defend him against a charge of bestiality. "I know a great trial lawyer," the fellow said, "but he's expensive and doesn't know how to pick a jury. I know another lawyer," he continued, "who's not a great trial lawyer, but he's cheap and really knows how to pick a jury." The farmer settled on the cheap attorney, but immediately had second thoughts when the key witness, a neighbor, began his testimony. "I saw jed mount his sheep from behind," he said, "and when he was finished, I saw the sheep turn around and lick Jed's pecker." The accused farmer was devastated and had all but given up hope of acquittal when a juror in overalls whispered to the fellow next to him, "You know, a good sheep will do that."
"The Federal Witness Protection Program has come up with a sure-fire method for making absolutely certain that people entering the program are NEVER found by anyone. They just change the witness's name to G. Spot"
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