Divorce Letter
Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you
forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have
nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to
tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last
straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a
new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a
brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went
straight to
sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love
me
Anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband
and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore;
whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P. S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away
to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's
true that you and I have been married for seven years,
although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant
whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice
when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'
Since my mother
raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice,
I didn't comment .
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you
must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped
eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the
$49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a
coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from
me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could
work it out.
So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit
my job
and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were
gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My
lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime
from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
Heather
P. S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla
was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes
back
there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses a
note
to
the Chinaman that says, "Use more soap on panties."
This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the
laundry.
Finally fed up the Chinaman responded with his own note that said, "Use
more paper on ass."
