It was a weekend morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice
Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"
Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.
They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife up in a tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.”
Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice Alice
Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. Once again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer!" followed by a volley of gunfire.
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy with his hands high in the air.
The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!”
Last week my boss said he was going to garnish my wages.
Call me dense, but I fail to see how a sprig of parsley in my paycheck will make it any more attractive.
One day God was looking down to earth and saw all the evil going on. He decided to send an angel down to earth to check it out. So, He called on a female angel and sent her to earth for a time.
When she returned, she told God that yes, it is bad on earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.
Well, He thought for a moment and said maybe I had better send down a male angel, so I can both points of view. God called a male angel and sent him to earth for a time.
When the male angel returned, he went to God and told Him that the earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good.
God said this was not good. He would send a letter to the 5% that was good and encourage them and provide something to help them keep going.
Do you know what that letter said?
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Oh, so you didn't get one either?
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Oh, so you didn't get one either?
Scratch Ticket 911:
As an assistant high school track coach, I recorded the results of each home meet and made copies for all the coaches. But because our track shed did not have electricity, I had to use carbon paper.
A freshman team member offered to help, and I showed her how to place the carbon paper shiny side down so that the image would transfer to the sheet beneath it.
"What will they think of next?" she said in astonishment. "Pretty soon we won't need copy machines anymore.”
A woman goes to the police station to report that her husband was missing.
"Can you give me a description of him?" asked the officer.
"He's short and bald and skinny and wrinkled and wears dentures," answered the woman. "Come to think of it, most of him was missing before he was!”
