i love u ( very Funny )

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in... there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

NAIL IN THE FENCE

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.




His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper,


He must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.




The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger,




The number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.




Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.




The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.




The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence.




The fence will never be the same.




When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.




It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."




A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us."




**********


Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole in your heart :)