Virginity Test!!!

Virginity Test…!!!

Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.

His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit – A small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."

Mario asks, "And what do I do with these things, doc?"

The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen!',
………you hit her with the shovel."

 

How To Behave After Sex

Avoid ruining your post-coital bliss through poor bedroom etiquette with VideoJug's guide to how to behave after sex.

Step 1: Advice for him

You may feel that you have expressed yourself quite enough, perhaps you have expressed yourself a number of times, and feel spent. But it's essential you stay awake for long enough to make her feel loved. You may have to fight the urge to sleep, but remember now it's time for her to unload all over you.

Speed up the process by making encouraging noises and agreeing to everything she says. The Past Master of this was Marlon Brando, who put his incredible success with women down to the pose of propping himself up on his elbow, which made him look interested in whatever the lady had to say- even if he was actually falling asleep.

Step 2: Advice for her

Be aware that he will be exhausted - after all you gave him more love than he could cope with. So try and keep your hopes and dreams for the future to a minimum. And certainly don't expand into more mundane issues, like household chores, work gossip or whatever was on your mind while you were expressing your love.

And if it had been instigated as a way of diffusing an argument or row, it is very important to avoid bringing up the argument again, especially as his defences are now down- and it would be too easy.

Step 3: Advice for both of you

If you've managed to avoid upsetting each other so far, don't ruin everything by marking your partner's performance on a range of factors such as skill, effort, creativity and attendance. Never compare this performance to anyone or anything else. And don't fart loudly, do a victory dance, or leave.