Little Johnny IN The Country

Little Johnny is visiting his cousin in the country and they decide to
go for a walk down the back roads. After about three miles they find a
used rubber lying by the road.

"Hey," Little Johnny, the dumbass city boys says, "look, some cow lost
one of its titties!"

"Let's go give it to the farmer!" says his cousin.

So, they work they way up to the farmhouse. They knock on the door and
out comes the farmer.

"Hey, Mister, we found a cow titty. Ya want it back?" says Little
Johnny.

The farmer didn't feel like conducting a mini sex ed seminar, said,
"Sure, uhhh, here's a dollar for your trouble."

Little Johnny hands over the rubber and head on back down the road.

After a little while Little Johnny says "You know, I bet we could have
got more than a buck if I hadn't drank the milk out of it!"

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

Two Ladies Talking in  Heaven
>
> 1st woman:      Hi! Wanda.
>
> 2nd woman:   Hi! Sylvia.  How'd you die?
>
> 1st woman:      I froze to death.
>
> 2nd woman:   How horrible!
>
> 1st woman:      It wasn't so bad. After I quit  shaking from the cold,
> I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What
> about you?
>
> 2nd woman:   I died of a  massive heart attack. I suspected that my
> husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
> But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
>
> 1st woman:      So, what happened?
>
> 2nd woman:   I was so sure there was another woman  there somewhere
> that I started running all over the house looking.. I ran up into the
> attic and searched, and down into the basement.  Then I went through
> every closet and checked under all the beds.  I kept this up until I
> had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just
> keeled over with a heart attack and died.
>
> 1st woman:   Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
>