:::Some Important Laws Which Newton Forgot to State:::

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

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LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

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LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

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LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

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LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

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BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

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LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

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LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

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LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

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THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

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LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

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Open Fly

Tactful(?) ways to tell a man his fly is open:

17. You've got Windows on your laptop.
16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
15. Your dork is ajar.
14.  uasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
13. I can see your Gap dancers.
12. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
10. Elvis Junior has left the building!
9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, sir.
7. Captain, sensors detect a wormhole in the forward quadrant!
6. Lil' Shaq's at the free throw line.
5. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
4. Your closet door is open and Donato's peeking out.
3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. I see you have an opening in senior management.
1. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.