Getting Married

*Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Devon, are all excited
about their decision to get married. *

*They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a
chemist.. Jacob suggests they go in. *

*Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" *

*The pharmacist answers, "Yes." *

*Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" *

*Pharmacist: "Of course we do." *

*Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" *

*Pharmacist: "All kinds " *

*Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" *

*Pharmacist: "Definitely." *

*Jacob: "How about suppositories?" *

*Pharmacist: "You bet!" *

*Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?" *

*Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works." *

*Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for
Parkinson's disease?" *

*Pharmacist: "Absolutely.." *

*Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?" *

*Pharmacist: "We sure do." *

*Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and walking sticks?" *

*Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes." Jacob: "Adult incontinence pants?" *

*Pharmacist: "Sure." *

*Jacob: "We'd like to use this store for our wedding presents list..."*

Field Trip

A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.

Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in year four.'

'No madam,' he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 3.30.'