Bantas Flight

On reaching his plane seat Banta is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him.


He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky you cow!"


The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.


When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls, "And get me another whisky you idiot".


Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.


Unaccustomed to such slackness Banta tries the parrot's approach, "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you".


The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.


Plunging downwards the parrot turns to Banta and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

It could have been worse

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.''




His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.




So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.








Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?''




And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''




Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.''




Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''




Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''