Speeding

Ramankutty Nair, a middle aged Indian immigrant in Dallas, Texas bought a brand new convertible Porsche.


He took off down the road and pushed it up to 160 MPH and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair.


"This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a Ford Crown Victoria Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing.










"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 mph to escape being stopped.


Then he thought, what the hell am I doing? "I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him.


The Policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the driver's side.


"Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Wednesday 22 November a day before Thanksgiving "If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before as to why you were speeding, I'll let you go."


The man looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with an American Policeman and I thought you were bringing her back."


The Policeman said, "Have a nice day, sir"

Nudist colony bliss

There once was a man who decided he hated his life in the city, and that he was going to live in a nudist colony instead. 

As he was a respected man, he decided it would be best for him to just say he was moving to New York. After a few months of naked bliss, he got a letter from his mother saying, "Dear son, as I have no recent photos of you, can you please send me the most recent one you have? Love, Mum." 

Well, the man didn't have any photos of himself that didn't show him naked, so he decided to chop one in half and send just the top half. A few weeks later, he got a letter from his mum saying, "Thanks for the photo, and could you send another to your grandma?" And so he did, BUT...he made a mistake and sent her the wrong half. The man got really upset but then remembered his Granny's poor eyesight, and he decided it would be okay. 

Two weeks later, he gets a letter back from his Granny saying: "Dear Jerry, I think your photo is great. But you really should change your hairstyle, as it makes your nose look too big."