Neat & Clean Dirty Jokes Part-2

Neat and Clean Dirty Jokes-2 

The woman had been away for two days visiting a sick friend in another city.
When she returned, her little boy greeted her by saying,
"Mommy, guess what! Yesterday I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and daddy came into the room with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into your bed and then daddy got on top of her..."

 

Sonny's mother held up her hand.

 

"Not another word. Wait till your father comes home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me."

 

The father came home.
As he walked into the house, his wife said, "I'm leaving you. I'm packing now and I'm leaving you."

 

"But why--" asked the startled father. "

 

Go ahead, Sonny.

 

Tell daddy just what you told me."

 

"Well," Sonny said,
"I was playing in your bedroom closet and daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into bed and daddy got on top of her and then they did just what you did with uncle John when daddy was away last summer.

 

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A Quality Engineer married an average girl. After 24 months of tough life with her,
Finally the Engineer got angry and sent a note to his father-in-law Stating that:
YOUR PRODUCT IS NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS'

 

The smart father-in-law replies

 

"WARRANTY EXPIRED. MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE."

 

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Think Positive :
What Gets Longer When Pulled,
Fits Between your Boobs,
Inserts Neatly in a Hole AND Works Best When Jerked?
A Seatbelt you dirty brain
 
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During sex Jeeto asks repeatedly:
Do you love me, do you really loveme?
Irritated Santa: What the helldo you think, I am doing pushups
 
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Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (As he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "Thats no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "Thats no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "Thats no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "Thats no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he pumped me fast and furious..."
Priest: The priest pumps her fast and says "Thats no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "Ahh... Thats no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH
 
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She took off his pants and whispered: Make me feel like a woman.
He smiled, threw the pants at her and said: Go, wash them!
 
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*Sex is.......:
 
*"Duty", if done  with your Wife
 
*"Art", if done with your Lover
 
*"Education", if done  with a Virgin
 
*"Business", if done with a  Prostitute
 
*"Social Work", if done with a Divorcee
 
*"Charity", if done with a Widow &
 
*"Sacrifice", if done with your own Hand