Filthy Perverted Shorties
A guy is walking past a bus stop and says to a woman "Can I smell your cunt?" "Fuck off, no you can't smell my cunt!" the woman yells back at him, "Oh" he replies, looking slightly confused, "it must be your feet then".
~~~
"Mom, I'm pregnant."
"How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?"
"That I should take measures. That's what I did! I took measures and
then
I went with the biggest."
~~~
Woman: "Are you good in bed?"
Man: "Of course I am."
Woman: "How do you know?"
Man: "Because I'm always satisfied...."
~~~
Nate said to his wife, Barbara, over dinner, "You know, drinking makes
you beautiful."
Puzzled, Barbara said, "I don't drink."
"I know," said Nate, "but I do."
~~~
Q: What is the real cause of Pamela Lee's being dim witted?
A: Headboards.
~~~
When my son was in third grade, his teacher
asked him to spell "straight." He did so
correctly.
"Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?"
"Without water," he replied.
~~~
"I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here,
Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move
at all."
~~~
Q: What do you call a cow with only 2 right legs?
A: Lean beef!
A lady went to her doctor for a check-up. when asked how she got the bruises on the outside of her thighs, she explained that she got them from having sex. The doctor then told her she would have to change positions until the bruises healed. She replied "Oh doctor, I can't... my dog's breath is awful!"
A gay man was driving his sports car around the corner,
when an eighteen-wheeler pulled out of the alley and directly in front of his way.
The sports car plows into the truck and totally demolishes the front end of the sports car.
The gay man jumps out of the car, comes tearing around
the side of the truck where the truck driver is, and hollers,
"You did that on purpose! You just pulled right out in front of me!"
The truck driver says, "Suck my dick."
Waving his hands, "Don't try to sweet talk me out of it!!!
I'm really fucking PISSED here!"
A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't
care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a
man of upright character.
Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking
in a woman was intelligence.
The service matched them together at once because they had one
thing in common -- they were both pathological liars.
