DUMB SEX LESSONS
Lesson #1... >IN< <OUT> ... (Repeat as often as possible)
A condominium is NOT the smallest size they make.
If your wife tells you sex is a 'pain in the ass', turn her over.
A porn shop will not give you money for your used stuff, that's a pawn
shop.
Doing the missionary position does not mean you have sex in a church.
If she says "doggy style please ," Do run on down to the local pet
center.
Kama Sutra is not a martial art... therefore don't tell your lover that
you have a black belt in it.
Well-endowed is not a reference to the size of your bank account.
_______
The economy is so bad that...
Jewish women are marrying for love.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you
call them and ask if they meant you or them.
Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their
children's names.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
The most highly paid job now is jury duty.
People in Africa are donating money to Americans.
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
The Mafia is laying off judges..
_______
I got married," said the first tavern regular, "so that I could get
laid 3 or 4 times a week."
The other regular replied, "that's strange; cuz that's the reason
why I got divorced!"
~~~
Did you hear about the first death from an overdose of Viagra?
A man took twelve pills and his wife died.
~~~
What is the definition of suspicious??
A nun doing pushups in a cucumber patch
~~~
What does a woman's asshole do during orgasm?
He's usually on the couch in the living room watching TV.
~~~
After listening to other kids in the classroom telling all the cool
talents their parents have, the teacher called on Little Johnny.
Quickly thinking of something just as good or better than the talents
of
the other kids' parents, Little Johnny thought of something. Little
Johnny exclaimed, "My dad eats light bulbs!" All through the classroom
there were remarks of "Cool!" The teacher, in shock, asked,
"What makes you think your father eats light bulbs?"
Little Johnny replies, "The other night when I was in bed, my dad said,
'Honey, if you turn the light out I will eat it.'
