Dear Baby Doctor
Dear Baby Doctor,
What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be
beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A. Your therapist.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet
have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. Because you're fatter then they are.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?
A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a
Playboy centerfold?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,
but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me
in that delicate position?
A. Authorized personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies,
photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to
nurse.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?
A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global
chemical warfare.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
What is colic?
A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
What are night terrors?
A. Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant
again.
~~
Dear Baby Doctor,
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and
act normal again?
A. When the kid is in college.
~~~~~~~~~~~
A young couple went to the doctor for their annual physical exams.
Afterwards, the doctor called the young man into his office and told him that he had some good news and some bad news.
"The good news," he explained, "is that your fiancée has an particular strain of gonorrhea that I have only heard of once before." The guy paled.
"If that's the good news, then what the hell is the bad news?"
"Well," the doctor elaborated, "the bad news is that I heard about this nasty strain just last week from my dog's vet."
AJ
