The Blonde Nun
One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly.
Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others.
I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God.
"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love.
I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun.
"There must be something you would have of me," said God.
"Well, there is one thing," she said.
"Just name it," said God.
"It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me.
I would like for blonde jokes to stop."
"Consider it done," said God. "Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere.
But surely there is something that I could do just for you."
"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun.
"Name it. Please," said God.
"It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel..."
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David and Simon are sitting in the cafeteria discussing their weekend.
"Man this weekend was the best!" David says. "I finally scored."
Simon says, "Yeah, well I scored and it was the worst experience I've
ever had."
"How so?" replies David.
Simon relates, "That girl Cecilia brought me back to her room and said
she would do anything I want. So I asked her to go down on me, and she said
no problem. In the middle of the whole thing, she starts turning green,
coughing like crazy and passes out."
"Damn!" Simon says. "What happened?"
David responds, "Turns out she's allergic to nuts."
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Why do blondes wear long hair?
To hide the air valve.
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How many Rednecks does it take to eat a meal?
Two, One to eat and
another to watch for cars.
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I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
Why did they fire Ronald MacDonald?
They caught him giving Wendy a Whopper at Burger King!
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A guy goes into the doctor's office.
There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril, and a cucumber in the other ear.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you're not eating right"
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What's the definition of a computer nerd?
A man who knows 4,560 ways to have sex, but doesn't know any girls.
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John is out in the country with his new bride.
They watch as a bull comes over the rise and bangs six cows in a row, one after the other.
His wife says, "It's a shame a man can't perform like that."
He says, "We could, if we got to change cows every time."
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Why do polish dogs have flat noses?
Because they chase parked cars.
