Before - You take my breath away.
After - I feel like I'm suffocating.
Before - Twice a night.
After - Twice a month.
Before - She loves the way I take control of a Situation.
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac.
Before - Ricky & Lucy.
After - Fred & Ethel.
Before - Saturday Night Live.
After - Monday Night Football.
Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars.
After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...
Before - Don't Stop.
After - Don't Start.
Before - The Sound of Music.
After - The Sound of Silence.
Before - Is that all you are eating?
After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.
Before - Wheel of Fortune.
After - Jeopardy.
Before - It's like living a dream.
After - It's a nightmare.
Before - $60/dozen.
After - $1.50/stem.
Before - Turbo charged.
After - Needs a jump-start.
Before - We agree on everything!
After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?
Before - Victoria's Secret.
After - Fruit of the Loom.
Before - Feathers & handcuffs.
After - Ball and chain.
Before - Idol.
After - Idle.
Before - He's lost without me.
After - Why can't he ask for directions?
Before - When together, time stands still.
After - This relationship is going nowhere.
Before - Croissant and cappuccino.
After - Bagels and instant coffee.
Before - Oysters.
After - Fish sticks.
Before - I can hardly believe we found each other.
After - How the hell did I end up with someone like you?
After - I feel like I'm suffocating.
Before - Twice a night.
After - Twice a month.
Before - She loves the way I take control of a Situation.
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac.
Before - Ricky & Lucy.
After - Fred & Ethel.
Before - Saturday Night Live.
After - Monday Night Football.
Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars.
After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...
Before - Don't Stop.
After - Don't Start.
Before - The Sound of Music.
After - The Sound of Silence.
Before - Is that all you are eating?
After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.
Before - Wheel of Fortune.
After - Jeopardy.
Before - It's like living a dream.
After - It's a nightmare.
Before - $60/dozen.
After - $1.50/stem.
Before - Turbo charged.
After - Needs a jump-start.
Before - We agree on everything!
After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?
Before - Victoria's Secret.
After - Fruit of the Loom.
Before - Feathers & handcuffs.
After - Ball and chain.
Before - Idol.
After - Idle.
Before - He's lost without me.
After - Why can't he ask for directions?
Before - When together, time stands still.
After - This relationship is going nowhere.
Before - Croissant and cappuccino.
After - Bagels and instant coffee.
Before - Oysters.
After - Fish sticks.
Before - I can hardly believe we found each other.
After - How the hell did I end up with someone like you?
This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a
friend, who tells him, "I know this midget with a speech
impediment who wants to buy a horse and I'm sending him over."
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male
or female horse.
- "A female horth", the midget replies.
So the owner shows him one.
- "Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouf?"
So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth.
- "Nith mouf, Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's eyes.
- "Ok, what about the eerth?"
Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget
one more time and shows him the ears.
- "OK, finally, can I see her twat?"
With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head
up the horse's vagina, then pulls him out. Shaking his head,
the midget says,
"Perhapth I thould rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awownd?
friend, who tells him, "I know this midget with a speech
impediment who wants to buy a horse and I'm sending him over."
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male
or female horse.
- "A female horth", the midget replies.
So the owner shows him one.
- "Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouf?"
So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth.
- "Nith mouf, Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's eyes.
- "Ok, what about the eerth?"
Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget
one more time and shows him the ears.
- "OK, finally, can I see her twat?"
With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head
up the horse's vagina, then pulls him out. Shaking his head,
the midget says,
"Perhapth I thould rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awownd?
