The Relationship With Your Wife/Girlfriend Is Over When ...
- She puts your dinner on the floor in the Rover Dish.
- The milkman is wearing your bathrobe.
- You get a ticket for the Jerry Springer Show.
- She starts every sentence with the words ...
"To whom it may concern."
- Your mail comes addressed to "Current Resident."
- The local mortician starts measuring you for a new suit.
- Her mother looks at you and starts laughing.
- You are urged to stir your coffee "very well," before drinking it.
- Your favorite easy chair is plugged into the wall outlet.
- All of your shirts have a target painted on them.
- People are already referring to her as the "widow."
- You come home and all that is left of the house is the foundation.
- Your name is Fred and a new tattoo just below her navel reads ...
"Joe's Place."
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A young boy was in the shower with his grandfather and asked him if
grandma looked the same as they did between her legs. Grandpa said, "No
sonny, when she was young it looked like a peach with fuzz on it and
now
it looks like a cow turd that a wagon wheel has run through."
A guy got his date out on a country road and pretended to run out of
gas hoping to make out.
She wasn't going for it and said she had a $100 bill in her purse and
she'd buy gas, but he'd have to walk to town to get it.
He said he had to pee first. While he was peeing she decided to light a
match near the gas neck to see if there was any gas in there.
There was a big explosion and she called out to him "Honey, help me
find my purse, it's got my $100 in it!" He said "Hell with that.
Help me find my right hand, it's got my dick in it!"