NURSERY RHYMES CHILDREN MIGHT'VE MISSED:
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun,
Then died of electric shock.
GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
Q. What's gray, sits at the bed and takes the piss?
A. A kidney dialysis machine.
Q. Why did God invent yeast infection?
A. So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying cunt.
Q. Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him?
A. He came home shit faced.
Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster with a flea?
A. An itchy cock.
Q. Why do women have arms?
A. Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?
Q. What's the bad news about being a test tube baby?
A. You know for sure that your dad is a wanker.
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A. Yell at her.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.