Explaining sexuality using pens (Visual Joke)
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Mar 10, 2010
The unmarried pregnant girl
A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant, Scared She confides this news to her mother. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did This to you? I want to know! The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house, a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the Girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family Situation, but I'll take responsibility. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, "If there is a miscarriage or unsuccessful delivery, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him... "You can try again!"
Flower and a Pearl [Beautiful Story]
One day, a brilliantly beautiful and fragrant flower with attractive colors met a pearl that lives far in the bottom of the sea and has none of these characteristics.
Both got acquainted with each other.
The flower said: "Our family is large; roses and daisies are members of the family. And there are many other species that are various and countless; each has a distinctive scent, appearance etc." Suddenly, a tinge of distress appeared on the flower.
"Nothing accounts for sorrow in your talk; so why are depressed?" The pearl asked.
"Human beings deal with us carelessly; they slight us.
They don't grow us for our sake but to get pleasure from our fragrance and beautiful appearance. They throw us on the street or in the garbage can after we are dispossessed of the most valuable properties; brilliance and fragrance."
The flower sighed. And then the flower said to the pearl: "Speak to me about your life! How do you live? How do you feel it? You are buried in the bottom of the sea."
The pearl answered: "Although I have none of your distinctive colors and sweet scents, humans think I am precious. They do the impossible to procure me. They go on long journeys, dive deep in the seas searching for me. You might be astounded to know that the further I lay, the more beautiful and brilliant I become. That's what upraises my value in their thought. I live in a thick shell isolated in the dark seas. However, I'm happy and proud to be in a safe zone far from wanton and mischievous hands and still the humans consider me highly valuable."
Do you know what the flower and the pearl symbolize?
Think, Think, Think...
You will find that: The flower is the unveiled woman (who shows her charms) and the pearl is the veiled woman (who conceals her beauties).
MORAL OF THE STORY: So decide do you want to be like a flower or Pearl, Flower which is used when needed and thrown away in Garbage after it is used or Pearl which is highly valuable and respected every where.
Both got acquainted with each other.
The flower said: "Our family is large; roses and daisies are members of the family. And there are many other species that are various and countless; each has a distinctive scent, appearance etc." Suddenly, a tinge of distress appeared on the flower.
"Nothing accounts for sorrow in your talk; so why are depressed?" The pearl asked.
"Human beings deal with us carelessly; they slight us.
They don't grow us for our sake but to get pleasure from our fragrance and beautiful appearance. They throw us on the street or in the garbage can after we are dispossessed of the most valuable properties; brilliance and fragrance."
The flower sighed. And then the flower said to the pearl: "Speak to me about your life! How do you live? How do you feel it? You are buried in the bottom of the sea."
The pearl answered: "Although I have none of your distinctive colors and sweet scents, humans think I am precious. They do the impossible to procure me. They go on long journeys, dive deep in the seas searching for me. You might be astounded to know that the further I lay, the more beautiful and brilliant I become. That's what upraises my value in their thought. I live in a thick shell isolated in the dark seas. However, I'm happy and proud to be in a safe zone far from wanton and mischievous hands and still the humans consider me highly valuable."
Do you know what the flower and the pearl symbolize?
Think, Think, Think...
You will find that: The flower is the unveiled woman (who shows her charms) and the pearl is the veiled woman (who conceals her beauties).
MORAL OF THE STORY: So decide do you want to be like a flower or Pearl, Flower which is used when needed and thrown away in Garbage after it is used or Pearl which is highly valuable and respected every where.
Unusual request
*The sexy little housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't
keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came into the room, he would*
*just about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.
When he'd finished the repair she paid him and said, "I'm going to make
to make a . . . well . . . unusual request.
But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret. The repairman
quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk
about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man -- sigh -- he has a
certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and
you're a man . . . "
The repairman could hardly speak, he was so turned on, "Yes yes!" he
stammered anxiously, -
"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door . . ."
she continued hesitantly.
"Yes. yes !" he nodded affirmatively, tongue tied with desire,
*
**
*When she asked,
"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"*
keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came into the room, he would*
*just about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.
When he'd finished the repair she paid him and said, "I'm going to make
to make a . . . well . . . unusual request.
But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret. The repairman
quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk
about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man -- sigh -- he has a
certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and
you're a man . . . "
The repairman could hardly speak, he was so turned on, "Yes yes!" he
stammered anxiously, -
"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door . . ."
she continued hesitantly.
"Yes. yes !" he nodded affirmatively, tongue tied with desire,
*
**
*When she asked,
"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"*
21c Marriage
*I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife.
As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man
burst through the door, *
*breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch."
The desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please have those
roses?"
"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"
"It's even worse than that," he confided. "I crashed my wife's hard drive!"
*
As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man
burst through the door, *
*breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch."
The desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please have those
roses?"
"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"
"It's even worse than that," he confided. "I crashed my wife's hard drive!"
*
BOYS WILL BE BOYS............... Ha Ha Ha
A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard
Students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the
students to Introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, "Let's start with the boys first."
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see
Bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.
Well, Ok.
In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And
after all there
is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John.
Yes >next."
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the
Spirit of Supporting a friend.
Ok next."
Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see b ubble in
The bathtub."
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be
sincere.
Ok next."
This continues...
And the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is
to see Bubble in the bathtub."
Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be
able to teach un-grown boys for long.
Anyway, now the girls please."
First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok
next."
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok
next.
You sweet Girl; Yes you..."
Most beautiful girl of the class gets up:
"Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."
Students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the
students to Introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, "Let's start with the boys first."
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see
Bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.
Well, Ok.
In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And
after all there
is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John.
Yes >next."
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the
Spirit of Supporting a friend.
Ok next."
Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see b ubble in
The bathtub."
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be
sincere.
Ok next."
This continues...
And the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is
to see Bubble in the bathtub."
Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be
able to teach un-grown boys for long.
Anyway, now the girls please."
First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok
next."
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok
next.
You sweet Girl; Yes you..."
Most beautiful girl of the class gets up:
"Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."
Love quotes by Famous Persons
A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path --Agatha Christie
"If music be the food of love, play on"- Shakespeare
Loving is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction- Antoine de Saint
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love- Albert Einstein
Love - a terribly misunderstood emotion, although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker., You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip- Jonathan Carroll
"Where there is love, there is life"-- Mahatma Gandhi
Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity- Henry Van Dyke
Take away love and our earth is a tomb-Robert Bro
Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place- Zora Neale Hurston
Love is a game that two can play and both win by loosing their heart- Eva Gabor.
We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack- Marie Ebner Von Eschenbach
Love, and a cough, cannot be hid-George Herbert
At the touch of love and heart, everyone becomes a poet- Plato
Nobody has ever measured, even poets, how much a heart can hold- Zelda Fitzgerald
Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species- W. Somerset Maugham
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired- Robert Frost
Love is the greatest refreshment in life- Pablo Picasso
Sometimes we make love with our eyes. Sometimes we make love with our hands. Sometimes we make love with our bodies. Always we make love with our hearts Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination - Voltaire
"It is never too late to fall in love"- Sandy Wilson
Love is not finding someone to live with; it's finding someone you can't live without- Rafael Ortiz
"The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know."-Pascal
What we love to do we find time to do. --John L. Spalding
There's nothing in this world as sweet as love, and next to love the sweetest thing is hate. --Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it --Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life. --Leo Buscaglia
Life without love is like a tree without blossom and fruit. --Khalil Gibran
"If music be the food of love, play on"- Shakespeare
Loving is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction- Antoine de Saint
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love- Albert Einstein
Love - a terribly misunderstood emotion, although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker., You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip- Jonathan Carroll
"Where there is love, there is life"-- Mahatma Gandhi
Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity- Henry Van Dyke
Take away love and our earth is a tomb-Robert Bro
Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place- Zora Neale Hurston
Love is a game that two can play and both win by loosing their heart- Eva Gabor.
We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack- Marie Ebner Von Eschenbach
Love, and a cough, cannot be hid-George Herbert
At the touch of love and heart, everyone becomes a poet- Plato
Nobody has ever measured, even poets, how much a heart can hold- Zelda Fitzgerald
Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species- W. Somerset Maugham
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired- Robert Frost
Love is the greatest refreshment in life- Pablo Picasso
Sometimes we make love with our eyes. Sometimes we make love with our hands. Sometimes we make love with our bodies. Always we make love with our hearts Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination - Voltaire
"It is never too late to fall in love"- Sandy Wilson
Love is not finding someone to live with; it's finding someone you can't live without- Rafael Ortiz
"The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know."-Pascal
What we love to do we find time to do. --John L. Spalding
There's nothing in this world as sweet as love, and next to love the sweetest thing is hate. --Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it --Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life. --Leo Buscaglia
Life without love is like a tree without blossom and fruit. --Khalil Gibran
Useless Penis Facts
Actual amount of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200
Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000
Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons
Average amount of water it takes to fill a bathtub: 35 gallons
Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour
Average speed of a city bus: 25 miles per hour
Average # of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7
Average # of calories in a can of Dr. Pepper: 150
Average length of penis when not erect: 3.5 inches
Average length when erect: 5.1
Smallest natural penis recorded: 5/8 of an inch
Largest natural penis recorded: 11 inches
Largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet (blue whale)
Height from court floor to the rim of a basketball hoop: 10 feet
Most arousing time of day/season for a man: Early morning/fall
Best ways to improve sexual function: quit smoking, start exercising, lose weight
Foods that improve sex life: oysters, lean meat, seafood, whole grains, wheat germ
Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60%
Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%
Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41%
Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from 2 min to 2 weeks
Average # of erections per day for a man: 11
Average # of erections during the night: 9
Distance sperm travels to fertilize an egg: 3-4 inches
The human equivalent: 26 miles (a marathon distance)
Time it takes the sperm: 2.5 seconds
Time it takes an average person to complete a marathon: 4 hours
Sperm life: 2 1/2 months (from development to ejaculation)
Shelf life of a Hostess Twinkie: 7 years
Cost of a year's supply of condoms: $100
Thickness of the average condom: .07 mm
Thickness of super-thin condoms: .05 mm
Thickness of plastic wrap: .0127 mm
Number of times condoms are thicker that plastic wrap: Almost 6
In general, the taste of a man's semen varies with his diet.
Some say that the alkaline-based foods (fish and some meats) produce a buttery or fishy taste.
Dairy products can create a foul taste; the taste of semen after eating asparagus is said to be the foulest.
Acidic fruits and alcohol (except processed liquors) give it a pleasant and sugary taste. Examples: oranges, mangos, kiwi, lemons, grapefruit, limes, Labatt Blue, Honey Brown, etc. (drinking a Corona with lime is double the fun)
Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie.
Yes, the penis does shrink in the shower.
It is common for men to wake up with 'morning wood,' a name for an a.m. erection.
Blue balls, or the term a man uses when he says his balls will explode if he doesn't have sex, is totally false.
Unusual Request
The sexy little housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came into the room, he would just about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her. When he'd finished the repair she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a . . . well . . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret. The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man -- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . . " The repairman could hardly speak, he was so turned on, "Yes yes!" he stammered anxiously. "And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door . . ." she continued hesitantly. "Yes. yes !" he nodded affirmatively, tongue tied with desire. When she asked, "Would you help me move the refrigerator? " |
LEASE OR PURCHASE
Purchasing
| The maths on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows: After 5 years of marriage, he paid her £24.3million. Assuming he had fun every night during their 5 year relationship it ended up costing him £13,170 per time. This is Heather.  On the other hand………. Leasing New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's hooker, Kristen, an absolute stunner charges £2,450 per night. This is Kristen.  Had Paul McCartney "employed" Kristen for 5 years, he would have paid £4.52 million in total, for fun every night for 5 years: (a saving of £19.8 million!). Value-added benefits are:
Best of all, she leaves , and comes back when asked. All at 1/5th the cost and no legal fees. WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN, JUST LEASEIT MAKES MORE SENSE |
Gift of God
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, “I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs.” “Odd,” her companion replies, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. “Two dogs, please,” says one. The vendor is very pleased to ovlige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their ‘dogs’. The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, “What part did you got?”
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. “Two dogs, please,” says one. The vendor is very pleased to ovlige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their ‘dogs’. The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, “What part did you got?”
You are Getting Old when
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favourite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. “I just can’t drink the way I use to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
23. 90% of the time you spend in from of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit, what the hell happened?”
BONUS:
26. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you & can’t find one to save your sorry old butt.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favourite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. “I just can’t drink the way I use to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
23. 90% of the time you spend in from of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit, what the hell happened?”
BONUS:
26. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you & can’t find one to save your sorry old butt.
100 Ways to Love your Partner
1. Hug them.
2. Write a love note.
3. Call them at work just to say Hi
4. Give them a foot massage.
5. Tell them a joke.
6. Caress them with slow gentle strokes.
7. Go for a walk with them.
8. Send them a happy gram.
9. Admit your mistakes.
10. Say:I love you.
11. Indulge a whim.
12. Listen to them talk about an interest of theirs.
13. Be trustworthy.
14. Instead of complaining, tell them what you would prefer.
15. Look at them when you're in a discussion.
16. Send flowers.
17. Compliment something they did.
18. Offer to help.
19. Ask them to show you how to do something.
20. Call when you are going to be late.
21. Take them out to dinner.
22. Write them a poem about how special they are.
23. Cut out a cartoon they will enjoy.
24. Ask them what they like sexually.
25. Go shopping together.
26. Take an afternoon drive.
27. Cuddle.
28. Put your arm around them in front of others.
29. Take them out on a surprise date.
30. Do something they want to do.
31. Listen.
32. Plan a candle light dinner.
33. Look at old photos together.
34. Serve them breakfast in bed.
35. Hold hands.
36. Share sexual fantasies.
37. Do a work project together.
38. Rub their back.
39. Take a shower together.
40. Carry their photo in your wallet.
41. Go away together for a weekend holiday.
42. Kiss them.
43. Smile more when you look at them.
44. Go for a bicycle ride together.
45. Surprise them with a special attire.
46. Plan a picnic lunch.
47. Read something together about how to have a better relationship.. .
48. Repeat what they say before answering.
49. Say Good morning first.
50. Ask if they have a few minutes first before interrupting.
51. Send them a card.
52. Surprise them with a gift when its a non-holiday.
53. Cook them a favorite meal.
54. Try a new restaurant.
55. Ask them how they feel.
56. Let them know when you are proud of them.
57. Ask for their opinion.
58. Turn on some romantic music.
59. Dedicate a song to them.
60. Send them a balloon bouquet.
61. Watch a sunset together.
62. Play a game together.
63. Have them teach you something they know.
64. Tell them they have the night off.
65. Go to a movie they select.
66. Ask them for a hug.
67. Wear some new cologne.
68. Take them to Bali.
69. Discuss future plans with them.
70. Ask if you can help when they look sad.
71. Ask them about their dreams.
72. Meet them for lunch.
73. Enlarge a scenic photo of a place you have shared.
74. Give them a gift certificate for their favorite store.
75. Tell them what you like about them.
76. Buy them a new perfume.
77. Take them to a scenic spot.
78. Send them a gourmet gift basket.
79. Send them a joke card.
80. Let them know when you have thought of them during the day.
81. Buy them a toy.
82. Compliment them to their friends.
83. Bring them a thirst quenching drink.
84. Tell them when they look attractive.
85. Send them a post card.
86. Invite them to a secret rendezvous.
87. Give them a massage.
88. Take a lesson with them.
89. Look at photos together of when you met.
90. Plan a vacation with them.
91. Listen openly to their opposing opinion.
92. Buy them a new piece of jewelry.
93. Watch a TV show they like with them
94. Write them a letter.
95. Listen to music with them, such as an old favorite.
96. Whisper sweet nothings in their ear.
97. Tell them what you like that they do.
98. Give a head massage.
99. Invite them to a concert.
100. Let them know you care
2. Write a love note.
3. Call them at work just to say Hi
4. Give them a foot massage.
5. Tell them a joke.
6. Caress them with slow gentle strokes.
7. Go for a walk with them.
8. Send them a happy gram.
9. Admit your mistakes.
10. Say:I love you.
11. Indulge a whim.
12. Listen to them talk about an interest of theirs.
13. Be trustworthy.
14. Instead of complaining, tell them what you would prefer.
15. Look at them when you're in a discussion.
16. Send flowers.
17. Compliment something they did.
18. Offer to help.
19. Ask them to show you how to do something.
20. Call when you are going to be late.
21. Take them out to dinner.
22. Write them a poem about how special they are.
23. Cut out a cartoon they will enjoy.
24. Ask them what they like sexually.
25. Go shopping together.
26. Take an afternoon drive.
27. Cuddle.
28. Put your arm around them in front of others.
29. Take them out on a surprise date.
30. Do something they want to do.
31. Listen.
32. Plan a candle light dinner.
33. Look at old photos together.
34. Serve them breakfast in bed.
35. Hold hands.
36. Share sexual fantasies.
37. Do a work project together.
38. Rub their back.
39. Take a shower together.
40. Carry their photo in your wallet.
41. Go away together for a weekend holiday.
42. Kiss them.
43. Smile more when you look at them.
44. Go for a bicycle ride together.
45. Surprise them with a special attire.
46. Plan a picnic lunch.
47. Read something together about how to have a better relationship.. .
48. Repeat what they say before answering.
49. Say Good morning first.
50. Ask if they have a few minutes first before interrupting.
51. Send them a card.
52. Surprise them with a gift when its a non-holiday.
53. Cook them a favorite meal.
54. Try a new restaurant.
55. Ask them how they feel.
56. Let them know when you are proud of them.
57. Ask for their opinion.
58. Turn on some romantic music.
59. Dedicate a song to them.
60. Send them a balloon bouquet.
61. Watch a sunset together.
62. Play a game together.
63. Have them teach you something they know.
64. Tell them they have the night off.
65. Go to a movie they select.
66. Ask them for a hug.
67. Wear some new cologne.
68. Take them to Bali.
69. Discuss future plans with them.
70. Ask if you can help when they look sad.
71. Ask them about their dreams.
72. Meet them for lunch.
73. Enlarge a scenic photo of a place you have shared.
74. Give them a gift certificate for their favorite store.
75. Tell them what you like about them.
76. Buy them a new perfume.
77. Take them to a scenic spot.
78. Send them a gourmet gift basket.
79. Send them a joke card.
80. Let them know when you have thought of them during the day.
81. Buy them a toy.
82. Compliment them to their friends.
83. Bring them a thirst quenching drink.
84. Tell them when they look attractive.
85. Send them a post card.
86. Invite them to a secret rendezvous.
87. Give them a massage.
88. Take a lesson with them.
89. Look at photos together of when you met.
90. Plan a vacation with them.
91. Listen openly to their opposing opinion.
92. Buy them a new piece of jewelry.
93. Watch a TV show they like with them
94. Write them a letter.
95. Listen to music with them, such as an old favorite.
96. Whisper sweet nothings in their ear.
97. Tell them what you like that they do.
98. Give a head massage.
99. Invite them to a concert.
100. Let them know you care
THE PERFECT PROPOSAL
I never thought I would propose. Never thought couple of years back that I would do something what I thought was so absurd and stupid like this. Never thought I would make news that I reviled to hear about before. I never understood the proper sense and intent of a “*Proposal*” till then. In fact, I don’t understand it completely even now.
The cool strong breeze kept my eyes only half-lit, which sighted the beauty of the gloomy, dim illuminated dusk. There was a slight sprinkle around the corner, soothing and keeping the romantic effect of that magical evening at ease. It was an ideal state. It was my favorite day, preferred time of the day, proper weather and best place to be and of course she was there, the apple of my eye. The stage was set for a *Perfect Proposal*.
It was not that I had waited for a day like this but it just happened. I arrived there little early and kept wondering “Am I really going to do this?” The entire idea of a proposal kept me troubling all the time. This was simply because I did not intend to do this anymore. I was sitting on one bench. Slightly elevated place from where a diminished view of the entire residential area around could be seen. It was urban outskirts, I will say.
No sounds, except that of the gentle breeze. No light except the fading daylight. No tribe except me. It seemed strange that I came here often and hardly saw any people around. I wondered why.....but I wasn’t here to figure that out. I turned and eyed at the sloped passage that led me here. In fact I was waiting for her. I turned back again and started recollecting all that I had thought, I should say. As I had almost finished I heard someone walking up.
I turned. “Hi”, she said a little loud and walked closer. She was wearing her favorite blue jeans and a red short T-shirt. The cool breeze kept dancing with her silky long hair which she had let cascade over her shoulder. She came and sat down next to me on the bench. I kept looking at her and replied “Hi.”
Soon she asked "Why did you call me here?"
I was expecting this. I got up, treaded two steps ahead and sat down on the small rock in front of bench. Now I was facing her. She kept wondering what was taking me so long to answer.
“I thought....., I would propose to you”, I said boldly. I just pretended to be bold. The eager looks on her face turned to those of confusion. She didn’t know what to say. Initially she laughed and then got a little serious and exclaimed “Are you kidding?”
“No, I just said what was in my mind.” I said quickly. “I mean, I am serious I called you here to propose you.” I added.
I was looking at her eagerly to get the reaction. She kept laughing.
“I think you’ve gone crazy, I mean how can you just call me somewhere and out of the blue say I want to propose to you! I just don’t believe this. I think you are kidding as you always do. Oh God! Is this April 1st or something?” She said a little frustrated. But the smile still remained on her face. She looked back at me. I was looking at her seriously letting her know that I wasn’t kidding. I waited for her to calm down and get ready to listen.
I got up and walked close to her. I stood in front of her and she was still sitting on the bench. I silently looked into her glittery eyes for a moment and put my hand out. She looked surprised as I said “Promise me.”
“Promise you........... What?” she asked.
“Promise me that ...., that is all you are not going to speak for rest of the evening. Promise me that you are not going to answer to any of the questions that I ask you now.”
She was confused. “But why?” she asked.
“Just think I am making it easy for you”, I said.
“Ok, I promise”, she said still confused.
“So that’s it, I am going to speak from now on and you are just going listen, ok?”
“Alright, carry on, I am all ears.” she said.
I started. “Before you were here, I was wondering how a guy, actually proposes to a girl. Does he get close to her, hold her hands in his hands, look into her eyes deeply, get close enough to whisper the traditional “I Love You” or be a little creative saying things like “I wish I was one of your tears so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips.” or “If I had eleven roses and you, I’d have a dozen.” or something of that sort. I would have probably gone by one of those ways if I weren’t quaint about the entire idea of proposing.” She kept listening as her silky long hair was constantly fleeting with the breeze.
I paused a little and then continued. “I’ll tell you what was exactly in my mind about a proposal. It’s like, a guy proposes to a girl and if she says “Yes”, they become better friends calling each other their crushes until mostly they breakup someday and look for someone else to propose. Or rarely resulting to marriage and account for the few love marriages that we hear of. But if the girl says “No”, they breakup even as good friends and stop talking to each other for the rest of their lives. After all even if they become lovers, what difference is it going to make until they are going to marry, they’ll still remain the friends they were before. So, why propose now? Go propose when you plan to marry.”
I paused as she kept listening silently. I was trying to sound as engaging as possible. I did not want to make it the filmi way. All the while, I had the feeling that any moment she would burst out laughing hearing my well-formatted and memorized lecture.
I continued “this was what I was having in my mind. That was probably why I never fell in love or thought I would propose to someone. But it all changed after I met you and got close to you. If it hadn’t changed I wouldn’t be doing this today.”
She was still listening patiently. I knew I wasn’t boring her though I sounded a little dramatic. How much ever I tried I always had the feeling I was aping one of the Khans of bollywood. I got up and walked back to the bench and sat close to her as I had sat before I continued the lecture.
”You know what, though? I was a little confused about all this. I still preferred a love marriage. It was just that I didn’t want to marry someone whom I did not know well before. I thought that I would do all that once I could be independent. But then I met you, much earlier. It was not love at first sight. I knew you were beautiful on the first sight and ever after but that was not the only thing that made me fall in love with you. It was the result of your friendship and our togetherness. We have always been good friends and we know each other pretty well. That was when and why my ideas about the concept of love started changing. I thought if we have been good friends for a few years, why can’t we be the same for the rest of our lives.”
I could see her patiently listening. I thought she would forget her promise at some point and would speak out but she didn’t.
I resumed “Then, there was that thing which was bothering me! I do not want to propose until I settled down. So I thought, ok I am going to let you know my intentions when I wish to marry.....But what if you had different plans or may be you are already married! Then why should you wait for me? I would really miss you then.... miss you very badly........So I thought I should tell you what was there in my mind now. Maybe that is what you call a Proposal and I started to understand it that way. Don’t you think we can make a nice pair?” I asked!
She kept looking at me silently. I thought she was surprised because it was probably the first time I was talking to her so seriously. I never thought I should be serious about anything unless I really needed to be. As the saying goes “don’t be too serious about life, you’ll never get out of it alive.”
I got up and walked slowly as I continued “You must be wondering why I asked you to remain silent and not even answer to my questions. I’ll answer that........It wasn’t that I felt I should propose to you last night and just because I felt so, I called you here, today and ……..I paused for a second. I thought a lot before doing this. I had to. I had to think about many other things. Ultimately I also needed to think over “Are we going to make a good pair forever?” I thought about all these and more, deeply and only when I felt it was all going to be fine, I proposed. I know ..., the outcome of this proposal is either a “Yes” or a “No”. But whatever it is, I didn’t want to hear it now. I want you to think about it and then answer. I thought a lot before doing this and I felt even you had to. That’s why I asked you not to speak. Think about it and call me back no matter what your answer is.”
She kept looking at me seriously and was about to say something but then remembered her promise and just nodded. I went back and sat on the rock facing her.
”No matter what your answer is, I am taking it sportingly. We will still remain good friends. It’s just that I don’t want to face the break up. That is because I have a small circle of friends and I don’t want to make it smaller anymore. That’s all from my side”, I said.
I gave a sigh of relief and got up. She followed me. I had to make it sentimental at the end. That was the only other ingredient I had to add to cook up my recipe. I walked closer to her and uttered, “Bye, I’ll wait for your call.”
She frowned at those words which surprised me a little. She then turned and walked away. I watched as she walked along. She took a few steps and turned towards me with a bigger smile. She started to walk back for me. She came close and stretched her right hand forward. I smiled shook hands with her.
“Great...You were just great”, She exclaimed.
I smiled again and asked “Thanks...., do you think it’s going to work?”
”I don’t know whether or not it’s going to be a PERFECT PROPOSAL but I’m sure this was the Perfect Rehearsal. All the best anyway.... I should leave now, it’s time and he should be coming. Bye and all the best.” She said as she started to move.
“Bye”, I whispered slowly as I saw her hurry back down the sloped passage. I walked back and sat on the bench.
The cool strong breeze kept my eyes only half-lit, which sighted the beauty of the gloomy, dim illuminated dusk. There was a slight sprinkle around the corner, soothing and keeping the romantic effect of that magical evening at ease. It was an ideal state. It was my favorite day, preferred time of the day, proper weather and best place to be and of course she was there, the apple of my eye. The stage was set for a *Perfect Proposal*.
It was not that I had waited for a day like this but it just happened. I arrived there little early and kept wondering “Am I really going to do this?” The entire idea of a proposal kept me troubling all the time. This was simply because I did not intend to do this anymore. I was sitting on one bench. Slightly elevated place from where a diminished view of the entire residential area around could be seen. It was urban outskirts, I will say.
No sounds, except that of the gentle breeze. No light except the fading daylight. No tribe except me. It seemed strange that I came here often and hardly saw any people around. I wondered why.....but I wasn’t here to figure that out. I turned and eyed at the sloped passage that led me here. In fact I was waiting for her. I turned back again and started recollecting all that I had thought, I should say. As I had almost finished I heard someone walking up.
I turned. “Hi”, she said a little loud and walked closer. She was wearing her favorite blue jeans and a red short T-shirt. The cool breeze kept dancing with her silky long hair which she had let cascade over her shoulder. She came and sat down next to me on the bench. I kept looking at her and replied “Hi.”
Soon she asked "Why did you call me here?"
I was expecting this. I got up, treaded two steps ahead and sat down on the small rock in front of bench. Now I was facing her. She kept wondering what was taking me so long to answer.
“I thought....., I would propose to you”, I said boldly. I just pretended to be bold. The eager looks on her face turned to those of confusion. She didn’t know what to say. Initially she laughed and then got a little serious and exclaimed “Are you kidding?”
“No, I just said what was in my mind.” I said quickly. “I mean, I am serious I called you here to propose you.” I added.
I was looking at her eagerly to get the reaction. She kept laughing.
“I think you’ve gone crazy, I mean how can you just call me somewhere and out of the blue say I want to propose to you! I just don’t believe this. I think you are kidding as you always do. Oh God! Is this April 1st or something?” She said a little frustrated. But the smile still remained on her face. She looked back at me. I was looking at her seriously letting her know that I wasn’t kidding. I waited for her to calm down and get ready to listen.
I got up and walked close to her. I stood in front of her and she was still sitting on the bench. I silently looked into her glittery eyes for a moment and put my hand out. She looked surprised as I said “Promise me.”
“Promise you........... What?” she asked.
“Promise me that ...., that is all you are not going to speak for rest of the evening. Promise me that you are not going to answer to any of the questions that I ask you now.”
She was confused. “But why?” she asked.
“Just think I am making it easy for you”, I said.
“Ok, I promise”, she said still confused.
“So that’s it, I am going to speak from now on and you are just going listen, ok?”
“Alright, carry on, I am all ears.” she said.
I started. “Before you were here, I was wondering how a guy, actually proposes to a girl. Does he get close to her, hold her hands in his hands, look into her eyes deeply, get close enough to whisper the traditional “I Love You” or be a little creative saying things like “I wish I was one of your tears so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips.” or “If I had eleven roses and you, I’d have a dozen.” or something of that sort. I would have probably gone by one of those ways if I weren’t quaint about the entire idea of proposing.” She kept listening as her silky long hair was constantly fleeting with the breeze.
I paused a little and then continued. “I’ll tell you what was exactly in my mind about a proposal. It’s like, a guy proposes to a girl and if she says “Yes”, they become better friends calling each other their crushes until mostly they breakup someday and look for someone else to propose. Or rarely resulting to marriage and account for the few love marriages that we hear of. But if the girl says “No”, they breakup even as good friends and stop talking to each other for the rest of their lives. After all even if they become lovers, what difference is it going to make until they are going to marry, they’ll still remain the friends they were before. So, why propose now? Go propose when you plan to marry.”
I paused as she kept listening silently. I was trying to sound as engaging as possible. I did not want to make it the filmi way. All the while, I had the feeling that any moment she would burst out laughing hearing my well-formatted and memorized lecture.
I continued “this was what I was having in my mind. That was probably why I never fell in love or thought I would propose to someone. But it all changed after I met you and got close to you. If it hadn’t changed I wouldn’t be doing this today.”
She was still listening patiently. I knew I wasn’t boring her though I sounded a little dramatic. How much ever I tried I always had the feeling I was aping one of the Khans of bollywood. I got up and walked back to the bench and sat close to her as I had sat before I continued the lecture.
”You know what, though? I was a little confused about all this. I still preferred a love marriage. It was just that I didn’t want to marry someone whom I did not know well before. I thought that I would do all that once I could be independent. But then I met you, much earlier. It was not love at first sight. I knew you were beautiful on the first sight and ever after but that was not the only thing that made me fall in love with you. It was the result of your friendship and our togetherness. We have always been good friends and we know each other pretty well. That was when and why my ideas about the concept of love started changing. I thought if we have been good friends for a few years, why can’t we be the same for the rest of our lives.”
I could see her patiently listening. I thought she would forget her promise at some point and would speak out but she didn’t.
I resumed “Then, there was that thing which was bothering me! I do not want to propose until I settled down. So I thought, ok I am going to let you know my intentions when I wish to marry.....But what if you had different plans or may be you are already married! Then why should you wait for me? I would really miss you then.... miss you very badly........So I thought I should tell you what was there in my mind now. Maybe that is what you call a Proposal and I started to understand it that way. Don’t you think we can make a nice pair?” I asked!
She kept looking at me silently. I thought she was surprised because it was probably the first time I was talking to her so seriously. I never thought I should be serious about anything unless I really needed to be. As the saying goes “don’t be too serious about life, you’ll never get out of it alive.”
I got up and walked slowly as I continued “You must be wondering why I asked you to remain silent and not even answer to my questions. I’ll answer that........It wasn’t that I felt I should propose to you last night and just because I felt so, I called you here, today and ……..I paused for a second. I thought a lot before doing this. I had to. I had to think about many other things. Ultimately I also needed to think over “Are we going to make a good pair forever?” I thought about all these and more, deeply and only when I felt it was all going to be fine, I proposed. I know ..., the outcome of this proposal is either a “Yes” or a “No”. But whatever it is, I didn’t want to hear it now. I want you to think about it and then answer. I thought a lot before doing this and I felt even you had to. That’s why I asked you not to speak. Think about it and call me back no matter what your answer is.”
She kept looking at me seriously and was about to say something but then remembered her promise and just nodded. I went back and sat on the rock facing her.
”No matter what your answer is, I am taking it sportingly. We will still remain good friends. It’s just that I don’t want to face the break up. That is because I have a small circle of friends and I don’t want to make it smaller anymore. That’s all from my side”, I said.
I gave a sigh of relief and got up. She followed me. I had to make it sentimental at the end. That was the only other ingredient I had to add to cook up my recipe. I walked closer to her and uttered, “Bye, I’ll wait for your call.”
She frowned at those words which surprised me a little. She then turned and walked away. I watched as she walked along. She took a few steps and turned towards me with a bigger smile. She started to walk back for me. She came close and stretched her right hand forward. I smiled shook hands with her.
“Great...You were just great”, She exclaimed.
I smiled again and asked “Thanks...., do you think it’s going to work?”
”I don’t know whether or not it’s going to be a PERFECT PROPOSAL but I’m sure this was the Perfect Rehearsal. All the best anyway.... I should leave now, it’s time and he should be coming. Bye and all the best.” She said as she started to move.
“Bye”, I whispered slowly as I saw her hurry back down the sloped passage. I walked back and sat on the bench.
Corporate Quotes
"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. In Redmond WA )
"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
When I told my boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year.
He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday.
He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. In Redmond WA )
"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
When I told my boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year.
He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday.
He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)