Bad Knees
An old man limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!"
The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused, and then said, "Sir, how old are you?"
"I'm 98," the man announced proudly.
The doctor just sighed and looked at him again. Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You are almost one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?"
The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it doesn't hurt!"
The Complaining Wife
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home.
Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again.
Joel, she said, I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath.
Don't worry. replied her husband. If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains.
The Nagging Wife!
Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing.
One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife brought his lunch to him. Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly.
At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the women offered their sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.
When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?"
Well, Jake replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, 'Is that mule for sale!?'"
A beautiful young woman, walking through a hot orchard, came across a lovely pond. The water looked inviting and there was no one within sight, so she decided to skinny dip. She undressed, dropped her clothes beside the pool, and just as she was about to enter the water, the orchard owner appeared and announced, "I'm sorry, young lady, but swimming is prohibited in my pond!"
"Well, if you were here all along, why didn't you tell me that before I undressed?" she complained. He replied, "Swimming may be prohibited but not undressing!"
Golf and Bees
A young woman had been taking golf lessons.
She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.
Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee", she said.
"Where", he asked.
"Between the first and second hole", she replied. <
He nodded knowingly and said, ”Then your stance is too wide."