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Oct 25, 2012

How Long Should You Wait for Sex in a Relationship?


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When you’re starting out in a new relationship, timing can be a pretty important factor in many ways. After getting someone’s number, how long do you wait to call? Or after a first date, do you plan another one right away or wait to call and ask them out again? When do you consider you two to be in a relationship? When would it be ideal to bring sex into the relationship?

Recent research by Besikci, Agnew, VanderDrift, and Harvey investigated how the amount of time from the beginning of your relationship to the first time you and your partner had sex could affect the likelihood of breaking up. They found that on average, couples waited around 45 days before jumping in the sack with their partner, but some couples wasted no time whatsoever (0 days) while other couples seemed to have waited for marriage, or maybe had a bet with each other to see who could wait longer (412 days).

Overall, the researchers found that couples who waited longer to have sex were significantly less likely to break up months later.

A similar finding was found by Busby at Brigham Young University. He explains that if couples become sexually active too early in their relationship, it could complicate things quickly and affect the process of building your relationship, and eventually may cause the couple to split.

He also found that couples who had sex within a month of dating had the worst outcomes, and those who waited until after marriage had higher stability in their relationship, a more satisfying relationship, higher quality of sex, and greater communication.

Do you have an ideal time to wait for sex in a relationship? Have you had bad luck rushing into the physical aspect? According to this latest research, it might be a good idea to pump the brakes, at least for a little bit.

Paint your bedroom purple for great sex life


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Purple rules when it comes to bedroom colour for sex, a survey claims.

It found that couples with purple-themed bedrooms have sex on average more than three times a week, slightly ahead of those who prefer red, the Mirror reported.

For those inspired by EL James's Fifty Shades of Grey, they would hardly make love twice a week.

The survey of 2,000 adults by online retailer Littlewoods.com also found that lovers who sleep on silk are active between the sheets 4.25 times a week - more than anyone else.

Those who prefer cotton average 2.72 sex sessions, nylon 2.35 and polyester 2.33.

"For years I have been telling British homeowners, a beige bedroom makes for a beige sex life. That's one thing I wouldn't want to wish on anyone," the Mirror quoted Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, Homes Style Expert for Littlewoods.com. as saying.

And the sexiest combination is purple walls, lilac silk sheets and a violet duvet cover.

The Littlewoods statistics revealed that couples adopting this heady mixture of colour and texture would have sex more than five times a week.

Best bedroom colours in order: Purple, Red, Sky blue, Pink, Black, Navy blue, Yellow, Orange, Brown, White, Beige, Green, Grey.

Image Source: Thinkstock Photos/Getty Images

Have sex everyday to keep doctors away


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You would have never thought that a kiss could help keeping dental worries at bay or a gratifying sexual act at night make you feel fit and fresh the next morning. But that's what studies across the web claim.

Healthy sex leads to a healthy life. You may have tried copious measures to get that extra glowing skin and shiny hair. You must have also worked out rigorously to achieve that perfect ten figure you've desired. But the key to your mind and heart is fulfilling sex. Even for those who lose their temper or are always in a depressed state of mind, 'sex' can be the solution. 

A happy sexual life with your partner not only gets you in shape with better skin texture and silken tresses, it also burns extra calories, keeps you fit, combats asthma, relieves headache, reduces depression and tranquilises your mind. From make-up experts, hair stylists, sexologists and fitness connoisseurs - there's a common consensus that a vigourous sexual life leads to a healthy life - both physically and emotionally. We get them to share more on this... 

There have been several notions stating that 'sex' produces certain hormones that bring happiness, which lead to a fit body and a healthy mind. Shedding some light on this, Dr. Sanjay Chugh, specialist on sexual issues, states, "Sex contributes to general good health. Any sexual intimacy that is enjoyable and pleasurable promotes well being by providing several physical and psychological benefits. It is believed that sex boosts chemicals in the body that protects us against diseases. Research also suggests that sex and m**********n can help ease joint and muscle pain, combat depression, promote heart health and lengthen one's life span." 

Dr. Samir Parikh, clinical physiatrist adds, "The basic fact is that a good sex life also means in a larger picture, a good relationship with one's partner and this makes the partner happier, less stressed and by virtue of that physically healthier."

Not just this, sex also accelerates blood circulation and one's basic metabolic rate, which further enhances the well-being of our mind and soul and helps us calm down. 

On these emotional benefits, Dr Chugh adds, "A satisfying sexual relationship strengthens the bond between couples, making them feel secure and loved. The feeling of emotional connectedness adds to ones sense of belonging, which in totality helps them achieve a positive physical, psychological and spiritual state that is necessary for one's general health." 

Elaborating further, on a scientific angle, Dr Avdesh Sharma, a consultant psychiatrist, and an expert on relationship issues shares, "Sex is a way of bonding at the physical, mental and emotional level and leads to health (including psychological) benefits. If it is used as a mechanical process, it may have limited benefits. There are physiological benefits of positive changes in parameters like pulse, heart rate, reduction in blood pressure (after an increase in B.P. specially if vigourous sex is tried), dilation of blood vessels and capillaries of the skin, leading to a 'glow', burning of a few calories (depending on the duration of the act and vigour), exercising of some of the muscles, thus improving lung capacity (during heavy breathing)." 

However, we also need to understand that sexual acts work more in terms of improving resistance, but are not a safe guard or a treatment to illnesses. Any sexual act can neither be used as a treatment nor would it change your stresses of life, which one would need to resolve irrespective. 

"The extra edge of sex may be due to the feeling of being wanted, an expression of emotions and certain hormonal and physiological changes that happen as an expression of love for another individual. Unfortunately, the benefits of sexuality are usually quoted out of context and people may look at this as a panacea for everything. But sexuality without emotions have limited value," concludes Dr Avdesh Sharma.

Have sex stay fit: Sex may seem like the safest sport you can take up. It de-stresses you, keeps you rejuvenated, elevates your moods and stretchs, tones and exercises your body muscles. 

Expert opinion: Dr Ishi Khosla, clinical nutritionist, Director Whole Foods asserts, "Sexual acts certainly lead to a normal mental well-being and a healthy state of mind. This in turn creates a physically fit body. If there's an ill-health or manifestation of any problem, it would reflect on your outer body."

Dr Samir Parikh adds, "You would still need a balanced lifestyle, which means that if you compare two equals in terms of lifestyle age and other factors as a constant, then it's possible that a sexually active person feels better." 

Sex burns extra calories: It is indeed a form of exercise and naturally burns one's calories too.

Expert Opinion: Dr Geetu Amarnani, wellness expert at Kolmet Hospital, opines, "While having sex, the BMP (basic metabolic rate) increases and that ultimately helps in burning the calories, so it's widely believed that one can shed that extra flab through sexual encounters." 

Sex for glowing skin and hair: When women make love they produce the hormone oestrogen which makes their hair shine and their skin smooth.

Expert Opinion: Make-up expert Sylvie, also an expert on sexual issues asserts, "As sex helps releasing the extra level of frustration and stress on one's mind and body, so logically it leads to a glow on your face and your skin texture looks better too. Also, hormones in our body are activated at a faster rate than usual during sex, which helps in better blood circulation, adding that extra shine to one's skin and hair." 

Sex brings relief from headaches, reduces depression and tranquilises your mind: A satisfying love-making session releases tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. It brings you out of a depressed state of mind and acts as a tranquilliser.

Expert Opinion: Dr Sanjay Chugh, "The pleasure that is derived from a satisfying sexual act tends to relax one's mind, taking away headache. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being. Good sex leaves the person feeling relaxed and satisfied thus acting like a tranquiliser."

A kiss to keep dental problems at bay: It is medically accepted that a kiss encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay. It also prevents the build-up of plaque.

Expert Opinion: Dental expert, Dr. Vandana Jyoti opines, "Anything that increases salivation will help in bringing down the acid level, which causes damage to one's teeth. It also prevents cavity. Other than a kiss, chewing gum and more of lemon intake also tend to act in the same manner. But one has to be extra careful, as it might act the other way round, in terms of spreading germs, if either of the two persons involved in a kiss is suffering from a tooth infection.
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Saurabh
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You HAVE to take time out for sex


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Between busy work schedules, chores, family responsibilities and an endless to-do list, finding time for sex can be difficult. But sex is one thing that helps maintain a close level of intimacy with your partner and ensures that the relationship stays strong.

Here are some ways you and your spouse can make time for love:

Be romantic

Bring back that loving feeling by focusing on romance. Go out to a new restaurant, do something nice for each other and make sure your time together is just about the two of you. Devote one night to your spouse and the next to the other. Talk during the day about your plans for that evening, have a conversation about what you would like from your lover, add a romantic meal, start early in the night before you are tired and disallow TV or computer in the bedroom.

Schedule it

One of the best ways to ensure you make time for sex is to schedule it. Set specific time aside for intimacy and let nothing remove it from the schedule. It might not seem that interesting and romantic, but it works. Unfortunately there are times when you can't be spontaneous so you have to put important things like this on a schedule.

Communicate your likes and dislikes

Like creating anticipation, talking about sex can also boost interest in spending more time in the bedroom. "Have a talk with your partner about what you would like in the bedroom. Sure it can be awkward, but sometimes you have to get over these hurdles to get things on track. Take turns discussing what you would like to see happen and what you want to try. The more honest you are, the easier it will be to start putting your sex life first.

Create anticipation

There's no better way to get sex back onto your radar than to create some excitement around it. Devote separate nights to focusing on a different partner's needs and then talk to each other during the day about your plans for the other. But be careful. The rule is - it should be romantic. The more you look forward to sex, the more likely you are to want to make intimacy a priority.

Just do it!

It might sound bold, but why not initiate things yourself to get the ball rolling? Do not wait for your partner to start things. It can lead to night after night of nothing. If your partner rejects your advances, discuss it with your partner. Also, if there is a lack of desire in either of you, visit a relationship expert for counselling. 

Images: Thinkstock photos/Getty Images

When all you want is sex


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Sex addiction is controllable, according to an expert, who says her new research could help treat the problem by dealing with the issues causing impulsive sexual behaviour.

"When people say `sex addict' they shrug their shoulders and say `it's out of my control''. It is within their control," Stuff quoted Sex Therapy NZ co-director Robyn Salisbury saying.

For an addict, the behaviour is not about sex but more an urge for sexualised relief, she said.

"Out-of-control sexual behaviour is not about the sexual drive, just like alcohol isn't about being thirsty, Salisbury said.

"If people are uptight or lonely they will eat, drink or have a drive to have sex. The compulsion doesn't meet their needs; it's just looking for a temporary soother.

Addicts end up getting a "mindless buzz", which can be heartbreaking for intimate partners, she added.

More than 880 people participated in an anonymous online questionnaire about their sex life and personal relationships for a Massey University honours project.

Clinical psychology student Karen Faisandier said she wanted to delve into the reasons behind out-of-control sexual behaviours (OOCSB).

The online survey questions included whether they engaged in online sex, prostitution, or sex that made them feel degraded.

Many factors played a role in such behaviour, including how childhood relationships with parents mould the way people feel and behave in romantic relationships.

The findings also confirmed previous research that found people with sex addictions were more likely to feel anxious about relationships and avoid intimacy.

Image Source: Thinlstock photos/Getty Images

Why don't women initiate sex?


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"Though I love our image of the 'perfect couple', but if I read between the lines, may be I am unsatisfied.

It's been three years, but I am still desperately waiting for the day when my lady love will take the sexual lead and surprise me with her moves. Many times, I thought of discussing it with her, but dropped the idea as she may find it derogatory. Though we share a great chemistry, be it in or outside the bedroom, still I crave for the day when she would make the first move," confesses Samrat Tripathi, a 29-year-old Delhi-based media person. 

Samrat isn't the only one craving for his girl to initiate the action in bed. "Is it just me who wants sex?", "Am I failing to satisfy her?", "Is my technique wrong?", "Does she wish for more pampering and initial plays?" are some of the thoughts that keep haunting men. This thought process keeps them so occupied that most of the time they fail to see some of the very obvious reasons for their problem. 

It takes no rocket science to understand your beloved's physical needs, you just need to be caring and sensitive to figure out what's stopping her from making the first move. Here are some of the most common reasons holding her back... 

Will he respond? 

Many women with fragile ego find it difficult to kick start the action in the bedroom, as the fear of rejection keeps hounding them. 

Aarti Rawat, a call centre executive says, "I am not afraid of telling my boyfriend what I need from him, but something holds me back initiating sex. Guys are so complicated and it's difficult to understand their needs so I keep guessing what's on his mind. I can just give him subtle signals like rubbing my cheeks against his or a passionate kiss to reveal my innate desires, but most of the times he fails to understand my hidden passion within these moves. It obviously hurts me so, even if I want to, so I let him take the lead." 

Expert speak: Dr Himanshu Saxena, a relationship expert opines, "Men are more vocal about their sexual desires than women, that is one of the reasons they end up initiating sex almost always. Everybody loves to be on the receiving end and may be she doesn't mind it. So, if you want to turn the tables, then practice some self-control. Maybe for a couple of days, seduce her the way you always do. Wear the smell that she loves, give her a soothing massage, a luscious kiss, after you realize that she is getting turned on, gradually pull away. If you continue this for a few days, she might not be left with any option but to drag you to bed and take charge to sustain a night of pleasure." 

He might make fun of me!

Some men are really critical when it comes to love-making and that is why their partners believe in just following the lead. 

Sunaina Verma, a corporate communication manager with a firm adds, "I was seeing this guy for nearly two years. Though I was deeply in love with him, but he I felt his love-making skills were very amateurish. He was so focused on what he wanted that he usually used to forget my comfort levels. Therefore, to tell him what I wanted, I decided to take the lead one day. I had read that guys love being kissed all over while making out, but the trick didn't work for me. After 15-20 minutes of my hard work he said, 'don't treat me like candy, its no fun.' It was humiliating for me." 

Expert speak: Dr Sameer Parekh, a noted psychiatrist says, "Everybody has their own comfort zones and pleasure points. If you do not like your beloved's love-making techniques, rather than making fun of her, tell her what makes you go week in the knees. Make love to her the way you want her to treat you. Criticizing her will only hurt and will not help either of you. If you don't behave properly, she might not ever dare to try anything new to please you." 

Baby it hurts

The definition of enjoyment might be completely different for you and your wife. 

Nita Sahni, a homemaker informs, "I got married a couple of months back. It almost took us a month for me to get completely at ease with my hubby. As a result of my fear of physical proximity, I used to withdraw from my hubby. I noticed a great deal of disappointment in my hubby because of that. I decided to keep silent about my discomfort and just go ahead with sex mechanically." 

Expert speak: "Encountering pain during sex is the most common problem that most of couples face, but finding a solution is necessary. Sometimes the reason can be just change in sexual behavior or inadequate inital play. But in some cases, you may have to seek medical help. Your partner might be suffering from a sexually transmitted disease. Therefore act responsibly and take note of what's bothering your better half," tells Dr Saxena. 

Not tonight honey!

How often do you hear this? But merely blaming your partner for never being in the mood is not fair. 

Sheela Oberoi, a school teacher says, "I am in my mid 30s, have a family to look after and a job that consumes nearly ten hours everyday. When I go back to my bedroom at 11 o'clock in the night, I am left with no energy to do sex. May be my age has also affected my sex interest. Many times my hubby complains about it, but there is nothing I am able to do about my low sex interest." 

Expert speak: "If your partner's interest in sex has dropped significantly, try to make make an effort to find out what is it that is responsible for the same. If it is just stress and fatigue, then you should find out ways to relive the mental tension. Be it a surprise vacation, an encouraging massage or just an elongated conversation at a lavish dinner - try out diverse ways to take your lover's mind off the nitty gritties of life. And never forget to experiment in bed," suggests Dr Parekh. 

She thinks it's a taboo 

Do guys really think highly of girls who take the lead in sex? Many girls grow up with this question in their mind. 

Sawati Arora, a bank employee says, "I am getting married in a few months, but I have no plans to take the lead in bed with my future hubby. My friends have made me believe that if I do so, he may think that I have had some past experience and may doubt my loyalty. According to the normal perception, guys are supposed to initiate things in bed and I plan to stick to the same." 

Expert speak: Dr Mittal says, "Most of new age women also have this fact imprinted in their mind somewhere. So you should make all possible efforts to erase these doubts from her mind forever. On a date, try to talk to her about what turns her on and how eagerly you want her to make efforts to pamper you in bed. She may take sometime to get okay with the idea, but if you try to make her comfortable, soon she will express her desires in every possible way." 

Employing the subtle tricks of engaging her in sexual activities, patience and some sexperiment you are likely to get what you have been vying for. 


by RITU VERMA

Image Source: Thinkstock photos/Getty Images

Still hanging on to memories of past love?


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If you ever feel like you're the star of your own romantic comedy without the happy ending, you could be more of a Sitcom star - that's a singleton in their twenties or thirties, clinging on to memories.

Sitcoms are people who can't seem to find the right partner because they are hung up on their previous loves.

The sitcom tag is particularly appropriate because their love lives resemble a situation comedy, as they drift in and out of relationships without letting go of the past.

If this applies to you, it seems you are not alone.

A survey of 1,000 people asked men and women members of a dating website the reasons why they haven't found the right partner, the Daily Mail reported.

The most popular answer was that those they meet online do not match up to a previous lover.

Some 41 per cent of women and 39 per cent of men polled said they still had feelings for an ex-lover and this made it difficult to commit to a new partner.

Twenty-four per cent of women polled explained they were too busy at work to make a commitment, while 29 per cent said they didn't like meeting people in pubs and clubs.

For almost a third of men and women finding new love was difficult because they did not have enough friends to help them mix with new people.

Women make sounds to help men climax


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A new study from the University of Central Lancashire has revealed that the noise a woman might make during sex does not often correspond with her climax but may have to do with her partner.

It found a woman's copulatory vocalisations' are made most often before her climax or during her partner's.

The findings were based on analysis of 71 women with an average age of 22.

The study aimed to identify whether a woman's vocal expressions during sex were triggered by climax or occurred independently.

Most women polled said they reached climax during initial sex activities, but were most likely to vocalise their enjoyment during their partner's.

The researchers believe the reason for this discrepancy is that women are manipulating male behaviour to their advantage .

These data together clearly demonstrate a dissociation of the timing of women experiencing their climax and making sex vocalisations and indicate that there is at least an element of these responses that are under conscious control, providing women with an opportunity to manipulate male behaviour to their advantage, the Daily Mail quoted the researchers as writing.

Another suggestion is that women are conforming to an idealised sexual script'.

Women appear to vocalize during sex not to express their own enjoyment so much as to help the man reach climax, Dr John Grohol, founder of website Psych Central, said.

Maybe these vocalizations are a part of that idealized sexual script, or at least done in response to what women believe their male partner wants, he added.


Image Source: Thinkstock photos/Getty Images

Because I Never Take a Risk... (Hilarious)



 
 
 
 
 

21 Tips to Improve your Life



 

TWO.
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other....
 

THREE.
Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
 

FOUR.
When you say, "I love you," mean it.
 

FIVE.
When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
 

SIX.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
 

SEVEN.
Believe in love at first sight.
 

EIGHT.
Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
 

NINE.
Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
 

TEN.
In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
 

ELEVEN.
Don't judge people by their relatives.
 

TWELVE.
Talk slowly but think quickly.
 
THIRTEEN.
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
 

FOURTEEN.
Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
 

FIFTEEN.
Say "God bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
 

SIXTEEN.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson .
 

SEVENTEEN.
Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
 

EIGHTEEN.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
 

NINETEEN.
When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
 

TWENTY.
Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
 

TWENTY-ONE.
Spend some time alone.