GreenGod's Blog: 01/24/12

Jan 24, 2012

Sailor

Sailor

Dave the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month voyage. Unfortunately he'd lost most of his pay playing poker on board ship, so when he eventually found a lady of the night all he could offer her was 50 cents and a pair of sneakers.

She refused with disdain.

He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was refused time and time again.

Eventually he found a more sympathetic lady who told him that although she could not possibly accept his offer herself, he could always try Mabel down the road. But she warned him not to expect too much as Mabel was very unresponsive and would probably just lie there passively.

He found Mabel and as times were hard she reluctantly agreed to accept the 50 cents and the pair of sneakers for her services, but told him not to expect any kind of response from her.

Dave began the amorous act and after a few minutes was pleased to find an arm reaching around his back. This was followed shortly after by a leg curling round his rear. Dave, who had always fancied himself a bit of a Romeo, gasped, "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist my charms."

"Don't flatter yourself lover boy," answered Mabel, "I'm just trying on the sneakers."

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Newlywed Couple

Newlywed Couple

This newlywed couple, just married three months, is happily married.

The man loves his wife and just can't get enough of her. He discovers one night that he enjoys rubbing his wife's nipple before he goes to bed so he makes it a nightly routine.

One night he is sleeping alone, since his wife is away on a buisness trip and he finds that he can't sleep because he can't caress her nipple. She gets back and he can sleep again.

Soon after he finds out that his wife has cancer, and only a month to live. She passes away, and the man just can't get to sleep so he goes to her body and cuts off her nipple with a little knife, before they put her in the ground.

He keeps it in his pajama shirt pocket and rubs it every night and is able to sleep again.

A couple of days later he dumps all of his clothes off at the laundromat and goes to work. There he remembers he left the nipple inside his pajama pocket. Stuck in an all day meeting which he can't get out of, he waits and waits, finally he gets out rushes to the laundromat and asks the guy, "Did you perhaps find anything in the pocket of my pajamas?"

He says, "why yes, I found a raisin and I gave it to my dog as a treat!"

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Think you know everything?

1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

4. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

5. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

6. There are more chickens than people in the world.

7. Two thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

8. The longest one syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

9. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

10. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.

11. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

12. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."

13. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back on the $5 bill.

14. Almonds are a member of the peach family.

15. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

16. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

17. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

18. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"

19. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

20. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

21. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

22. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

23. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer

24. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."

25. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

27. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

28. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

29. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

30. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

31. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

32. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

33. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

34. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

35. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand ..now you know everything.