1) Qus.: What are you doing? Ans.: Business. Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX 2) Qus.: What are you doing in Business? Ans.: Selling the Goods. Tax : PAY SALES TAX 3) Qus.: From where are you getting Goods? Ans.: From other State/Abroad Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI 4) Qus.: What are you getting in Selling Goods? Ans.: Profit. Tax : PAY INCOME TAX 5) Qus.: How do you distribute profit ? Ans : By way of dividend Tax : PAY DIVIDEND DISTRIBUTION TAX 6) Qus.: Where you Manufacturing the Goods? Ans.: Factory. Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY 8) Qus.: Do you have Staff? Ans.: Yes Tax: PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX 9) Qus.: Doing business in Millions? Ans.: Yes Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX ? Ans : No Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax 10) Qus.: Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank? Ans.: Yes, for Salary. Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX 11) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner? Ans.: Hotel Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX 12) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business? Ans.: Yes Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX 13) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s? Ans.: Yes Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX 14) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount? Ans.: Gift on birthday. Tax : PAY GIFT TAX 15) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth? Ans.: Yes Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX 16) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going? Ans.: Cinema or Resort. Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX 17) Qus.: Have you purchased House? Ans.: Yes Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE 18) Qus.: How you Travel? Ans.: Bus Tax : PAY SURCHARGE 19) Qus.: Any Additional Tax? Ans.: Yes Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!! 20) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax? Ans.: Yes Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY 21) INDIAN : Can I die now?? Ans : No, wait we are about to launch the FUNERAL TAX iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii |
Aug 20, 2011
Indian Tax Structure
Rude but funny
WOMEN - Two female friends are catching up: - So, how was your evening last night? - A disaster! After getting home, my dear beloved hubby wolfed down in 4 minutes the dinner that took me all afternoon to prepare, "granted" me 3 minutes of passionate love before rolling over and falling asleep 2 minutes later. And you? - Oh, mine was incredible. My hubby was waiting for me to get back home from work. He took me out for a very romantic dinner. We then walked back home, under an amazing starry sky, along the canal, for a good two hours. Once home, he lit up all the candles we had and our foreplay lasted for an hour. We then made love for another hour and then we chatted until late. It was wonderful... MEN - Meanwhile, at the pub, the husbands are "networking"...: - So, how was your evening last night? - Great! When I came home, the food was ready. I ate, we shagged and I fell asleep. You? - A nightmare! I came home earlier to fix the kitchen shelf. When I switched on the power drill, the fuse went out. The whole house went into darkness. Couldn't find the bloody fuse-box, so when my better half arrived, I took her out. It was the only thing to do to avoid getting an earful... Dinner was so expensive that I couldn't afford the taxi back home, so we had to walk home. Once there, the house was still in the dark, obviously, so I had to light all these f *cking candles to avoid knocking everything down. I was so wound up that it took me an hour to get a hard on, and another one to come. In the end, I was so p!ssed off that it took me ages to fall asleep, while she kept yapping on and on about everything and nothing... |
5 Security Tips Facebook Wants You To Know
The guide was penned by authorities in the field; noted former Symantec Internet safety expert Linda McCarthy, Purdue University security researcher Keith Watson, plus teacher and editor Denise Weldon-Siviy.
This release covers a variety of subjects regarding online security on both the Internet and on Facebook.
Here’s just a few of issues addressed in the guide:
- Protect your Facebook account
- Avoid scammers
- Configure advanced security settings
- Recover a hacked Facebook account
- Stop imposters
It’s a light and easy read at only 20 pages and more importantly, the book is free.
You can download it from the Facebook Safety Center here: www.facebook.com/safety
Not only does the guide cover some practical issues, like how to use one-time passwords, enable secure browsing, or track your account activity, the handbook also explains why security breaches happen. For instance, why does a thief or malware pusher want to access your account?
The last page offers a handy summary of more than dozen tips for staying safe online. The five most important ones are:
- Only befriend people you know.
- Change your passwords frequently.
- Only download apps from sites you trust.
- Keep you anti-virus software up-to-date.
- Log into Facebook only once per session.
Do you have any additional tips for protecting your online accounts?
Twelve Good Thoughts
1. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
2. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find out that you still care for that person.
3. When the door of happiness closes, another opens but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
4. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
5. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
6. There are things you'd love to hear that you would never hear from the person who you would like to hear from, but don't be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from their heart.
7. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, in the end it fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
8. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
9. A careless word may kindle strife, a cruel word may wreck a life, a timely word may level stress, a loving word may heal and bless.
10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
11. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
12. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
°◕◕♪♪ Ñiκ™♪♪◕◕°
Sex FAQs: Fact or fiction?
While sex and the desire for it plays such an important part in our lives, we all want to have a better grasp on it. But truth be told, many of us still search for the right kind of information in order to practice exciting, yet safe, sex. Here are the top sex queries that you must know about!
Fiction: Erectile dysfunction is not treatable.
Fact: This is the biggest myth of all. ED is indeed treatable. Infact, here are a few lifestyle tips you should keep in mind: Check your alcohol intake, stop smoking, follow a healthy exercise and dietary regimen and keep your diabetes under watch.
Fiction: It is impossible for a woman to get pregnant, if at all a man pulls out.
Fact: The rhythm method, also known as the pull out method is the worst case scenario for birth control. Men are not always aware of when exactly the fluid is about to seep out. It is said that one in every 5 couples, who follow this method as the only form of birth control, get pregnant. Watch your chances!
Fiction: A night-long sexual performance comes naturally.
Fact: Unfortunately, this isn't true for all of us. As with everything else in life, sexual aptitude and sexual appetite differ from person to person. Further, if you want to be an ace in bed, you will need to be in good shape to be able to support that kind of physical exertion!
Fiction: I'll come in contact with STDs only when I am regular with sex, else I am safe.
Fact: It is not necessary to have sex in order to come in contact with STDs. Even skin-to-skin contact is enough for the spread of HPV virus, which in some cases can cause genital warts.
Fiction: Once I come in contact with HIV, I am surely going to get AIDS.
Fact: This is simply not true. Even though there is no sure shot cure for HIV, there are many medications and dietary rules available by which you can suppress the virus. Talk to your doctor in detail about it and be proactive about strengthening your immune system.
Fiction: Condoms do not have expiry dates. I can use one anytime, anywhere.
Fact: Condoms, like any other grocery product, comes with an expiry date. You can use one for three to five year. Best is to check for its printed expiry date before use.
Fiction: I don't know how good latex condoms are. Are they good for prevention of STDs and pregnancies?
Fact: Latex condoms are good for prevention of STDs and pregnancies. However, if one is allergic to latex condoms you should talk in detail with your doctor and ask him to recommend you polyurethane condoms instead.
Fiction: Erectile dysfunction is linked to heart disease.
Fact: Yes, in some cases it has been linked to heart disease. In fact, erectile dysfunction can be linked to cardiovascular diseases in whole. Studies have time and again shown that all men who suffer from ED should get checked for heart diseases.
By Mansi Kohli
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