INDISPENSABLE HAND JOB TECHIQUES ( Part 1 )

Indispensable Hand Job Techniques  ( Part 1 ) One of the secrets of great manual sex is varying your hand motions. Here are a few indispensable techniques: SWITCH HITTER Use both hands, alternating back and forth in a pattern you develop to offer him the most arousal. He will notice the difference. Don't get into a routine where the strokes are dull, and noncommittal. Give it to him good. Get him to the point where he's singing out, "I second that hand motion!" DOUBLE WHAMMY How about going double or nothing! Bring both well-lubricated hands down on his shaft. Some cocks are so big they require both hands. If your partner's doesn't, then use the other hand to caress and lightly flutter his balls, or tighten around the base of his shaft. If both hands fit along the length of the shaft, move then together, up and down, in the typical pumping motion. Pretend you're holding a baseball bat and are about to score a grand slam. You can also vary the directions of your hands, one up, one down at the same time. There's no doubt that two hands are better than one. THE ANVIL STROKE Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis from the top all the way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it. Meanwhile you're bringing your corresponding hand down to the top of the shaft, creating an alternating beating motion, hence the name "anvil stroke." Think of those blacksmith duos who keep up a double beat pounding motion as they beat that rod of iron on a piping-hot anvil. THE SHUTTLE COCK Not many people have heard of the "shuttle cock," but it's one of the best. Take the penis in both hands, fingers lightly touching the sides of the shaft. In order to visualize the position, think of yourself holding a clarinet. Now flick the penis back and forth between your two hands by holding on to the loose skin of the shaft. Shuttling it back and forth in this manner may not seem incredibly thrilling to him at first, but pretty soon, as it builds up momentum, it will drive him out of his mind. Orgasms encountered via this method are sometimes messy, but always memorable. THE BOOKENDS Place both of your hands side by side against his shaft like a pair of bookends. Now push hard against his penis. Then lift your hands up and down. Continue in this manner for a while. The constant tugging of the skin around the balls and the mons pubis will do the trick. THE FLAME Place your hands down on either side, your fingers pointing away from the cock. Pretend you're a campfire girl and start spinning his pecker like a stick of wood. This way you'll keep the home fires burning for a long time to come. THE BASE CLUTCH Tighten your thumb and forefinger around the base of the shaft, pressing down on the balls. This will cut off the blood (acting as an impromptu cock ring) and help you steady the shaft in your hand. If the skin on it is slick and immutable, you can stroke the penis with more friction, thereby enhancing the excruciating experience. THE LOVE TUG As you are stroking him, lightly pull on the wispy strands of pubic hair sprouting from his testicles. Don't pull so hard that you remove them, but tease them gently, lovingly. This will make him holler with delight and awe at your inventiveness. THE TWO-TIMER Tickle his balls with one hand while the other jerks him up and down. THE THIGH-SWATTER Use the hand that is currently unemployed to firmly but lovingly pat his inner thighs.

A RARE DISEASE

A Rare Disease   Old Mendel Rugelbaum was very old and suffering from a rare disease and his doctor told him could drink only human milk. "How can I get human milk?" Mendel asked the doctor. "Well, Ruby Finkelstein's just had a baby, maybe she'll help." So every day Mendel went to Ruby's house for his daily feed. Ruby was a dark eyed, big breasted lady, who, in spite of herself, gradually became aroused as Mendel lapped at her ripe breasts. One day as he quietly lay sucking, she whispered to him, " Tell me Mr. Rugelbaum, do you like it?" "Mmmm, wonderful," he sighed. "Is there," she hesitated, her lips parted, eyes aglow, "is there anything else you'd like?" "As a matter of fact there is," murmured Mendel "What?" Ruby asked breathlessly. Mendel licked his lips. "Maybe a little cookie?"   11111   SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS: HEARING AIDS, Band-Aids, ROLL AIDS, WALKING AIDS, MEDICAL AIDS, GOVERNMENT AID, AND MOST OF ALL , MONETARY AIDS TO THEIR CHILDREN. 11111 THE GOLDEN YEARS HAVE COME AT LAST I CANNOT SEE, I CANNOT PEE, I CANNOT CHEW, I CANNOT SCREW MY MEMORY SHRINKS, MY HEARING STINKS, NO SENSE OF SMELL, I LOOK LIKE HELL, MY BODY'S DROOPING, GOT TROUBLE POOPING SO THE GOLDEN YEARS HAVE COME AT LAST. WELL, THE GOLDEN YEARS CAN KISS MY ASS!!!

Being a Taliban

A revolutionary thirsty Taliban came across a Jewish man selling cheap tie at dessert end for five dollars a piece.

 

Taliban demanded water for humanitarian reasons.

 

Jewish says, "No buy the tie first."

 

Taliban got mad.

 

So Jewish says look if you want free water go up that hill, than down on other side, there is a fancy American place and plenty of cold water.

 

Angry Taliban kicked the table, left, came back in couple hours, threw five dollars and demanded tie,
"Those Americans won't let me in without a tie."

--
°◕◕♪♪ Ñiκ™♪♪◕◕°

God's Wife - Got to Smile

God's Wife

 

LOOK OUT FOR THE LAST STORY....
IT WILL KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF

 

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once Talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the Contest was to find the most caring child.

 

The winner was:

 

A four-year-old child, whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old Gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

 

When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy just said, 'Nothing, I just Helped him cry.'

 

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Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different hair colour than the other members. One of her students suggested that he was adopted.

 

A little girl said, 'I know all about Adoption, I was adopted..'

 

'What does it mean to be adopted?', asked another child.

 

'It means', said the girl, 'that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!'

 

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On my way home one day, I stopped to watch a Little League base ball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was 'We're behind 14 to nothing,' he answered With a smile.

 

'Really,' I said. 'I have to say you don't look very discouraged.'

 

'Discouraged?', the boy asked with a Puzzled look on his face...

 

'Why should we be discouraged? We haven't Been up to bat yet.'

 

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Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott.

 

Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen.

 

On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement.. 'Guess what, Mom,' he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me....'I've been chosen to clap and cheer.'
(All politicians should learn from this story. -- A comment by Mahil)

 

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An eye witness account from New York City , on a cold day in December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering With cold.

 

A lady approached the young boy and said, 'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'

 

'I was asking God to give me a pair of Shoes,'was the boy's reply.

 

The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.

 

She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.

 

By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks... Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes..

 

She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him... She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more comfortable now.'

 

As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her.

 

'Are you God's wife?'

 

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SEND TO ALL WHO LOVE AND CARE FOR CHILDREN.
Hope this put a smile on your face it.

 

Sure did mine!

Cartoons From the Bottom of the Barrel !

Wallpaper Babes !

Tinsley's Irreverent Art

Babes .... A visit with Pool Table Gal

The View From Here

Series (Similar Things) Taking Pictures

Finkstrom's Funnies

Zimmerman XXX

Animation ... Hentai Gal Masturbating

For Those Who Thought They Knew Everything

The liquid inside young coconuts
can be used as a substitute for



Blood plasma.

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No piece of paper can be folded in half



more than seven (7) times. < /I>

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Donkeys kill more people annually


than plane crashes.

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You burn more calories sleeping

than you do watching television.

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Oak trees do not produce acorns


until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

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The first product to have a bar code

was Wrigley's gum.

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The King of Hearts is the only king


WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE

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American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987
by eliminating one (1) olive


from each salad served in first-class.

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Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

 
(Since Venus is normally associated with women,what does this tell you!)

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Apples, not caffeine,


are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

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Most dust particles in your house are made from

 
DEAD SKIN!

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The first owner of the Marlboro Company
died of lung cancer.

 

So did the first " Marlboro Man. "

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Walt Disney was afraid

 

OF MICE!

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PEARLS MELT

 

IN VINEGAR!

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The three most valu able brand names on earth:

Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

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It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...

 
but, not downstairs.

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A duck's quack doesn't echo,


and no one knows why.

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Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush
be kept at least six (6) feet away from
a toilet to avoid airborne particles
resulting from the flush.


(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)

 

Richard Millhouse Nixon


was the first U.S. president
whose name contains all the letters
from the word "criminal."
The second ?
William Jefferson Clinton


(Please don't tell me you're SURPRISED!?!!)

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And the best for last.....


Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(I know some people like that, don't YOU?)