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Jul 19, 2011

AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

 
And Then The Fight Started...
 
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from
outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man
'Holy Crap?.

That must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed; scared
and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground,
ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back,
'Yeah, then why were you running?' And then the fight started.....
 
NNNNN
 
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for
$14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the
cold cream.

And then the fight started....

NNNNN

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies,
'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started.....

NNNNN
 
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took
my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

NNNNN
 
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we
were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to make love?" "No," she
answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me
this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

NNNNN

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

NNNNN

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into
a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,
turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad
all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife
of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out
fishing in that?'
 
And then the fight started ...
°◕◕♪♪ Ñiκ™♪♪◕◕°

THE MOODS OF A WOMAN

The Moods Of A Woman

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
 
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
 
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.
 

MOODS OF A MAN

Hungry

Horny

 
_+_+_+_
 

An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there

sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding

horses, mending fences, and branding cattle so I guess I am."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.

As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women.

When I shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women."

A little while later, a couple sat down next to the old cowboy and

asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

_+_+_+_

 

There was a cat and a rooster wondering by a lake. Both were famished,

looking for any food they could find, but to no avail. Later on, the

rooster finds himself focusing upon a worm, inching its way nearby.

The rooster then proceeds to chase and then pounce on the worm, eating

it quickly. Resting after his meal, he rubs his belly in pure

satisfaction.

The cat looks at the rooster and thinks to himself, "Well, if he can do

it, I can do it." Not long after the rooster eats his worm, the cat

spots a mouse scurrying nearby the lake. The cat raises its tail,

arches its back, and with all its might, attempts to pounce on the

mouse, only to end up in the lake.

What is the moral of the story?

Where there is a satisfied cock, there is a wet pussy!

 

°◕◕♪♪ Ñiκ™♪♪◕◕°

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