GreenGod's Blog: 05/14/11

May 14, 2011

Boy, I'm rich!

Silver in the Hair

Gold in the Teeth

Stones in the Kidneys

Sugar in the Blood.

Lead in the Feet.

Iron in the Arteries

And an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.

I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth.

How to be a gracious bitch .... !!

HOW TO BE A GRACIOUS BITCH

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching.

Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!

Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused.

''Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,'' she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ''Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.''

A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ''Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, ''Of course I do, dear.....I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.''

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Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often. But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!

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Women are Angels.

And when someone breaks our wings....

We simply continue to fly .........

on a broomstick.....

We are flexible....

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AN INDIAN BOY

An Indian Boy

This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on

his face. "Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?"

She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."

Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?"

She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made

her."

"And why is my other sister called Moonchild?"

The mother said, "We were watching the moon landing while she was

conceived."

Mother Indian paused and asked her son, "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are

you so curious?"

------

Two Polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding.

"I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not."

His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that."

"All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel.

You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if

she laughs and says, 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!'

you hit her with the shovel!"

------

A woman was walking down the street when she was stopped
by a man who was carrying out a survey.
"Excuse me, Madam, we're doing a survey on peoples' attitudes towards sex."
"Really!" said the woman smiling.
"Could you please tell me what you think of sex on the television?"
..."Well," replied the woman, "I think it's extremely uncomfortable,
especially when you've got a vase stuck up your ass"!