Softwarism Very Funny
Gandhism:
You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.
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Indiraism:
You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.
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Lalooism:
You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.
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Rajnikantism:
You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.
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Rajivism:
You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.
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Softwarism:( Ultimate. ...):
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them
1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 . You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)
8 . Redo step 4
9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy???
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!
BLONDE'S YEAR IN REVIEW
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
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February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
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March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said "2-4 years!"
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April - Trapped on escalator for hours..... power went out!!!
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May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
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June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
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July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
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August - Got locked out of my car in rainstorm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.
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September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
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October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.
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November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.
Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
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December - Couldn't call 911...."duh"........ there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!
What a year!!
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Rajnikanth ... mind it..
These are some of Funny Facts about Rajnikanth – South Super Star….Read and enjoy them ………….MIND IT!!!!!
- Once upon a time Rajnikanth used a tooth powder to get strong teeth….. . . . . . . . . today that powder is used as AMBUJA CEMENT
- Once Rajnikanth was playing Cricket and Rain Stopped due to Heavy Play
- Rajnikanth was practicing for spelling test. The rough sheet he used is today known as the oxford dictionary!!
- Hrithik tried to participate in a dance competition with Rajnikanth. Result: He is in a wheel chair in Gujarish.
- Rajnikanth was once told to choose 3 subjects when he got admission in jr.college……………. He chose science,arts and commerce!!!!!!!
- One nite, while asleep, Rajnikanth was mumbling some random numbrs... Thats how the Log table was invented.
- One day Rajnikanth bunked school. Since then it is known as Sunday
- Once Rajnikanth was on the hot seat of KBC....
And the computer needed lifeline to choose the question. Mind it!
- Micheal Jordan to Rajini: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you?
Rajini: Rascala, how do you think the earth spins!?
- Roger Federer: I know everything about tennis. You can ask me anything.
Rajnikanth: Ok. Tell me, how many holes are there in the NET??
- All scientists failed to answer this but rajnikanth did…
Ques: Which liquid turns solid on heating?
Rajni: DHOSA..
MIND IT!!
- Rajnikant in IPL: Last ball, 23 runs to win.
Bowler bowls..
Rajni hits.
Ball splits in 4 pieces….
All pieces go for 6's in different direction.
Chennai wins.
Yanna Rascala !!! .
Releasing The Cows (Story)
| One day the Buddha was sitting in the wood with thirty or forty monks. They had an excellent lunch and they were enjoying the company of each other. There was a farmer passing by and the farmer was very unhappy. He asked the Buddha and the monks whether they had seen his cows passing by. The Buddha said they had not seen any cows passing by. The farmer said, "Monks, I'm so unhappy. I have twelve cows and I don't know why they all ran away. I have also a few acres of a sesame seed plantation and the insects have eaten up everything. I suffer so much I think I am going to kill myself. The Buddha said, "My friend, we have not seen any cows passing by here. You might like to look for them in the other direction." So the farmer thanked him and ran away, and the Buddha turned to his monks and said, "My dear friends, you are the happiest people in the world. You don't have any cows to lose. If you have too many cows to take care of, you will be very busy. That is why you are determined to release your cows." |
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How Facebook Calculates Active Users For Pages
After covering how to measure Facebook page engagement, we received inquiries asking us about how Facebook measures daily, weekly, and monthly active users.
So read on for the answers to everything you’ve been wondering about how these measurements work.
For applications and pages, the definition of “active users” differs. Facebook explains the difference between the two in the company’s official developer documentation:
For apps, people are considered active users if they have visited the app Canvas page; viewed the app on a page profile tab; visited an external website when logged into that site with their Facebook account; or had the Facebook API called on their behalf with an active user session. For pages, people are considered active users if they have visited the page; viewed a post by the page; or interacted with a post.
The Big Difference
As you might have noticed, Facebook pages have a somewhat inflated “active users” number. The reason is that anybody who even “viewed a post by the page” will count as an active user. That means “active users” represents those individuals who have had your page content appear in their feed. I would argue that a more accurate count of active users would be those who commented on a post, liked a post, and clicked a link that you published.
While this is something that could be debated, the inflated number helps further support the argument that Facebook pages are a critical component of any company’s marketing efforts. At AllFacebook we’ve actually experienced dramatic benefits from our Facebook page, in that it’s the primary location for distributing our posts. Without the page we couldn’t have the reach that we have today.
However, I tend to take the total active users number with a grain of salt. More important is measuring the average number of comments and likes on each post that you publish. Active users will then reflect the increased reach that you have as a result of the increased engagement. For a more detailed overview of Facebook insights, check out our guide on measuring Facebook page engagement.
Readers, what do you think about the ways that Facebook measures users?
Figure out your sex-o-scope
Aries:
Existing relationships are in a year when there are more tests. Saturn shows a little coolness for the first part of the year but you can combat that by raising the temperature and refusing to get complacent. Singles, love might come your way through work and that suits you fine as you're looking for someone in authority. Just don't make things awkward when making a pass.
Taurus:
Later this year, there are chances for you and him/her to discover what really makes each other tick and there will be some surprises. If you're looking for love, it's attached to education, maybe a course your boss sends you on. Pluto is enhancing your bedroom aerobics, so burn some calories.
Gemini:
You've had a tough 2010 and those who made it this far in a relationship should congratulate themselves. Shocks may have rocked you but now things are settling down. You're one of the flirtiest signs and as your love planet Jupiter moves fast this year, you will be doing the same. You change from looking for someone older to looking for anyone with a pulse.
Cancer:
There's much focus on your love life. You're moving from negotiations into making it happen and that's your greatest clue to how to tackle the year. You're the traditional type and want the boys to be alpha and the girls to be making rotis but maybe some compromise is good. Early on this year love could be complicated and your willingness to adapt is what will get it through. Single Cancerians could find romance at a mate's party and don't be surprised if an ex is back.
Leo:
You're the 'love at first sight type'. It has to be like this or you just don't feel it. You may like things to be grand but you don't put up with anyone who plays the part but doesn't have the toys or wallet to back it up. Until June 4th, please book more weekend breaks and less weekend break ups.
Virgo:
Call the soap writers and let them have your story over the past years, it will give them new material! Things are calming down as the coalition of Jupiter and Uranus shift very early on. From April 4th until August 5th, things become more idealistic, spiritual perhaps and working as a team is easier. If you're single, you won't have to kiss too many frogs as Neptune also makes magic and magic happens only suddenly.
Libra:
Your love life looks busy this year but will this time be what you're really after? There are some changes likely and how you manage them is dependant on you. The Universe recognises your need for perfection and only wants what you want. Single Librans find romance where? Anywhere they want!
Scorpio:
Time to get serious and make a commitment; it's your year to do just that. If you're already married, look at second honeymoons. It may be better to simply be yourself and do that thing you do; your silence magically makes it happen. If you're single, someone you met could resurface in summer and set things to sizzle.
Sagittarius:
Things may not be as serious as you would like this year as your love life is all about fun and games. If you're single you get more chances than a coach load of supermodels on a day trip to Navy Days and all you have to do is make the effort to say 'Hello sailor'. The sporty type suit you best right now, they have the energy to keep up. In April, August and November, don't draw any unnecessary attention to yourself!
Capricorn:
If you're in a relationship, things are as they were last year, unless of course you decide to put more effort into making them more exciting. You often choose resilient partners, those who can stand up to you will attract you. If you're single, it's a good year for affairs and more so after June 4th. It may not be as serious as you would like but then it may just be the Universes way of getting you to settle down.
Aquarius:
There aren't too many dramas but the solar eclipse has added some interest to existing relationships. Much of your year is spent in changes in your partner's life so providing care to them is needed. For single Aquarians next year is probably better but this one. Your strength in love is your quirkiness, your individuality and as long as you remain true to that there will be many people wanting to know more!
Pisces:
If you're single, you don't seem to be in any hurry to change that. You're a refined creature and perhaps the way round this is to think about where your dream date would go on a day off and put yourself there rather than wait for him or her to walk into Marine Drive on a Saturday night? If you're attached, Neptune's visit could be a good time to pop the question or if you've done all that already perhaps cultivate the spiritual side to your relationship.
Things You Didn’t Know About Microsoft
It really seems impossible that any one of you might not know about the Microsoft, but here are some facts you didn’t know about this company.
1. It is impossible to create a folder with the name “Con” or “con” on Microsoft operating systems and in case, you attempt to make one with the name C-o-n, you’ll get an error message saying that the drive name is invalid. The more unusual is the sound it makes when you attempt to create such a folder. Why would any name be invalid?
2. Secondly, when “=rand(200,99)” without quotations is entered or typed into Microsoft Word, something equivalent to (I must say) electronic sneeze occurs. If that line mentioned above is entered and then hit the ‘Enter’ key, the document is instantly filled with over four hundred thousand words. Another interesting fact is that when you scroll down the page, the setting has changed, so that you never scroll past a page break Have you observed it before?
3. Bill Gates, the founder and cornerstone of Microsoft officially left the company. Although, it was Bill Gates, who alongside Paul Allen started the company from the ground up. It was many of Bill Gates’ ideas that pushed Microsoft to be the top software company in the World. Now as Bill Gates left Microsoft, so let us all hope for their sake that some of his genius has worn off on the employees of the company.
4. Google challenges the supremacy of Microsoft by offering FREE software on the web some way behind. Now that Google has entered the competition with their free software and much more, now it seems increasingly difficult for Microsoft to keep its hold on its place in the heats and more importantly, the computers of their loyal customers, as now that Google offers for FREE its products as compared to the fairly expensive products offered by Microsoft. Now its time for a need of Bill Gates and his expertise to tackle the situation and proceed further.
