The Train

Sitting together on a train was Obama, George W. Bush, a little old
lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts.

The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the
sound of a loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, Bush has a bright red hand
print on his cheek.

No one speaks.

The old lady thinks: Bush must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she
slapped him.

The blonde girl thinks: Bush must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped him..

Bush thinks: Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

Are you ready for this??????

Obama thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can smack the
"SHIT" out of Bush again!

IPL Awards !!!!

Dear All, (only those interested in ongoing IPL )


Later this week, the IPL awards will be handed out and, in keeping with the glitz and glamour and off-field antics that characterize this version of the game, it's got everyone in a tizzy. Normally, the names of winners are kept a closely guarded secret but with so many secrets tumbling out of the IPL closet, this one too has been leaked. Here is the jury, the categories and the winners.




IPL Awards Jury
Pranab Mukherjee, P. Chidambaram, INC (Indian News Channels), Lalu Prasad Yadav, Brinda Karat, Shobhaa De, Income Tax Department.






2010 IPL Award Winners






Most Promising Player:


Lalit Modi for making too many promises he couldn't keep.






Best IPL Debutante:


Shashi Tharoor who scored heavily without playing a match.






Most Powerful Hitter:


Sharad Pawar, as former BCCI boss he has final say on IPL's future.






Best Catch:


Deepika Padukone, by Royal Challengers and Siddharta Mallya in particular.






Best Stumping:


Lalit Modi by Shashi Tharoor.






Most Male Fan Following:


Cheerleaders.






Most Female Fan Following:


Lalit Modi (being chased for VIP passes).






Worst Match:


Shashi Tharoor and Sunanda Pushkar.






Best Match:


Nita Ambani and Sachin Tendulkar.






Costliest Dropped Catch:


Preity Zinta and Ness Wadia.






Costliest Match:


Ravi Shastri and Sunil Gavaskar.






Best Commentator:


Mandira Bedi (when she wasn't speaking).






Worst Commentator:


Danny Morrison (when he was speaking).






Most Consistent Performer:


SRK (whenever he knew the camera was on him).






Most Inconsistent Performer:


Yuvraj Singh (when the camera focused on him batting).






Most Dramatic Performance:


Katrina Kaif In IPL's Bangalore Royal Challengers Music Video.






Best New Cricketing Term:


Sweat Equity.






Best Expert Comment:


Lalu Yadav on his son: "Yadavs should not be carrying towels and water bottles."

I WANT TO BE A TV

 A teacher from Primary School asks her students to write a essay about what they would like God to do for them...

At the end of the day while marking the essays, she read one that made her very emotional.

Her husband, that had just walked in saw her crying and asked her: - What happened?

She answered - Read this. It's one of my students essays

Oh God, tonight I ask you something very special: Make me into a television. I want to take its place. Live like the TV in my house. Have my own special place, And have my family around ME. To be taken seriously when I talk.... I want to be the centre of attention and be heard without interruptions or questions. I want to receive the same special care that the TV receives when it is not working.

Have the company of my dad when he arrives home from work, even when he is tired.

And I want my mom to want me when she is sad and upset, instead of ignoring me...

And... I want my brothers to fight to be with me...

I want to feel that family just leaves everything aside, every now and then, just to spend some time with me.

And last but not least make it that I can make them all happy and entertain them...

Lord I don't ask you for much... I just want to live like every TV

At that moment the husband said: - 'My God, poor kid. What horrible parents!

She looked up at him and said: - 'That essay is our son's !

IT SERVES 'EM RIGHT

An elderly Jewish woman decided to have her portrait
Painted. She told the the artist, "Paint me with
Diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald
Bracelets, a ruby broach, and Rolex."

"But you are not wearing any of those things."

"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before
My husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I
Want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."

Coaching!!

A must read for Grandparents.

 

( Those who aren't will love it, too. )

 

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

 

'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?' The little boy nodded 'yes'.

 

'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?' The little boy nodded 'yes' again.

 

He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb ass' is it ???'

 

The little boy shook his head,,  'NO' !! .

 

' GOOD ', said the coach.

 

 

 

' Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.' 

Playboy Calender 2010

Due to the poor economy, Playboy has made some cut backs: 

The Financial crisis has hit the calendar girls as well.

Miss Jan

Miss Feb

Miss March

Miss April 

Miss May

Miss June

We regret to inform you that our

photographer has committed suicide!

Therefore, the Playboy Calendar has been

discontinued!