PUSSY TYPES

1. Expensive PussyMost pussy falls into this definition. Expensive Pussy can be recognized by the following - fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of good pussy falls into this category.

Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.

Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.

2. Cheap Pussy
Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap Pussy can be recognized by the following - she will often pay for dinner, understands when you are broke, calls every day, wants it constantly, easily hurt, but shake it off.

Advantages: Inexpensive, guaranteed, loving, will try anything once and sometimes twice. You're lucky if you find this.

Disadvantages: Won't go away, possessive, bugs you all the time, can keep you from the tasks of finding other pussy, will eventually want to get married and/or have children soon thus ruining it. Often not worth it.

3. Hired PussyFound in the Hollywood area of Southern California and in every other large city in the US and abroad. Recognized by scanty clothes and come-hither looks. Expense varies greatly with the quality. The difference between Hired Pussy and Expensive Pussy is that the money is up-front.

Advantages: You don't have to stick around, won't tell your girlfriend, doesn't care who you are or what you look like, often very experienced, usually cheaper than Expensive Pussy.

Disadvantages: More expensive than Cheap Pussy in the long run, risk of disease is high, is illegal in most areas and the risk of jail time is high. Often not worth it.

4. Virgin Pussy
This type is getting rarer each day. Recognized by conservative clothes, good manners, and a marked distaste for dirty jokes and porno movies. Can be very loving if you promise marriage, but will cause you more problems as you go along. Frustration level is high as Virgin Pussy tends to want to stay that way for some unknown reason.

Advantages: Risk of disease is very low, will offer a very tight "fit" if it gives in, sometimes open to new experience, will often offer "other" services if Virginity is to be maintained.

Disadvantages: Usually will not give in until marriage, will cause discomfort upon use, not very imaginative, not usually into using birth control which can cause "accidents", can only be used once. Usually not worth it unless you're into that sort of thing.

5. Nympho PussyVery rare. Recognized by the tendency to drag you by your balls into bed and going at it to the point of exhaustion Very experienced, will teach you things you never knew. Expense varies depending on level of Nymphomania.

Advantages: Will send you into la-la land, will try anything once.

Disadvantages: You are probably not the only one, thus disease risk can be high, will tire you out and ask for more, can be unstable, will not give a steady relationship. Often not worth it.

6. Frigid PussyLess rare. See (4) for recognition. Difference is that this Pussy will not yield no matter what. Any expense involved is simply wasted (unless you are into real frustration).

Advantages: There are no advantages.

Disadvantages: Too many to list here. Best to stay away once recognized. Never worth it.

7. Innocent Nympho PussyRare. Recognized by being in a small, sweet, innocent package which you would never in a million years think would give in, but when it does, you are in for a hell of a surprise. Often mistaken for (4). Expense varies, but usually falls into the cheaper category.

Advantages: The surprise is blissful. Always worth it. Keep it if you can.

Disadvantages: If (4) is mistaken for (7), serious consequences may result. May or may not be faithful.

8. Party Pussy
Found at bars and at parties. Recognized by glass of wine in hand and bloodshot eyes. Will engage in group festivities while completely ripped. Expense usually covers drinks. Make sure you are not ripped as to better enjoy the experience.

Advantages: Easy to obtain unless you are real unlucky. Be sure to say the right things.

Disadvantages: Disease risk is high, will not usually remain faithful, the Support System may tend to puke all over you. Often not worth it.

9. Nutsy Pussy
Support System has psychological problems. Recognized by the fact that she will go out with you, then spill her problems on you. May tend to kill you while you sleep. Gives in for no apparent reason.. Usually found as a quiet co-worker.

Advantages: Easy.
Disadvantages: Never really worth it.

GIRLIE WISDOM

1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... She has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

3. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

4. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
5. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.

6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

7. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today...

8. Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

9. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my underwear...

10.... Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!

11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

12.. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

13. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

 

*****

 

After completing his examination, the doctor took her husband aside. "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."

"Me neither, Doc." Said the husband. "But she’s a good cook and the kids seem to like her."

Beer ~vs~ Pussy

A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
Advantage: Draw.

If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy.

Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Draw

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football
game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy

If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a
breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.

Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.

Pussy can make you see God.
Beer can make you see the porcelain God.
Advantage: Pussy

If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are
normal.
If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy

Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Draw

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you
are.
Advantage: Beer.

If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you
back.
Advantage: beer.

The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.

The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.

Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Draw

Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, Killian's Red
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage: Pussy.

The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
Advantage: Pussy.

Owl

Mr.Rao an avid bird lover was trying to communicate with birds. One day in his backyard he heard an owl hoot. So he thought he’d give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again.

The next night the same scenario occurred. All winter, Mr.Rao and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. Mr.Rao kept a log of the “conversations.” So to keep a record of interspecies communication.

Just when he thought that he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication…..

His wife Mrs.Rao, had a chat with her next door neighbour.

“My husband is researching very hard, he spends his nights calling to owls,” she said. “That`s strange” the neighbour replied. “So does my husband.”

12 YEAR SCOTCH

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don't try to fool me because I can tell the difference."

The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch.

The man takes a sip, scowls and says, "Bartender, this crap is 5-year scotch. I told you I want 12-year scotch."

The bartender tries once more with 8-year scotch.

The man takes a sip, grimaces and says, "Bartender, I don't want 8-year scotch like this
filth. Give me 12-year scotch!"

Impressed, the bartender gets the 12-year scotch, the man takes a sip and sighs, "Ah, now that's the real thing."

A disgusting, grimy, stinking drunk has been watching all this with great interest. He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and says, "Hey, I think that's really far out what you can do. Try this one."

The man takes a sip and immediately spits out the liquid and cries, "Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!"

The drunk's eyes light up and he says, "Yeah, now how old am I?"

Elizabeth's Dream

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a Virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it...

"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was lick it..... God I miss him.

" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".

"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?

"You're with the GOVERNMENT, this time I know I'm gonna get screwed

The Vampire Bat

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

“OK, follow me” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

“Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked.

“Yes, Yes, Yes!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

“Good” said the bat, “Because I sure as hell didn’t!“

The Librarian & The Chickens

A pair of chickens walk into a public library, find the librarian and say, ‘Buk Buk BUK.’ The librarian decides that the chickens want three books, and promptly gives them some. Without further ado, the chickens walk out.

Around midday, the two chickens are back and looking quite annoyed. One leans over to the librarian and says,’ Buk Buk BuKKOOK!’ The librarian decides that the chickens want another three books and promptly gives them some more. The chickens leave as before.

About an hour later the two birds march back in, approach the librarian, looking very angry now and nearly shouting, ‘Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!‘

The librarian is now starting to get worried about where all her books are going. She decides to give them more books but also to follow them and find out what’s happening.

She followed them out of the library, out of town, and into to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen.

She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was kept repeating, “Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit…“

Courses for Women

Training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

Topic 1. Silence, the Final Frontier:
Where No Woman Has Gone Before

Topic 2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking:
Making Deposits :)

Topic 3. Parties:
Going Without New Outfits :)

Topic 4. Bathroom Etiquette:
Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

Topic 5. Communication Skills I:
Tears – The Last Resort, not the First

Topic 6. Communication Skills II:
Getting What you Want Without Nagging

Topic 7. Driving a Car Safely:
A Skill You CAN Acquire

Topic 8. Telephone Skills:
How to Hang Up :)

Topic 9. Advanced Parking:
Backing Into a Space

Topic 10. Cooking III:
How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

Topic 11. Classic Footwear:
Wearing Shoes You Already Have

Topic 12. Oil and Petrol:
Your Car Needs Both

Courses for Men

Training courses are now available for men on the following subjects:

Topic 1. How to fill ice-cube trays.
Step by step with slide presentation.

Topic 2. Differences between the laundry basket and the floor.
Pictures and explanatory graphics.

Topic 3. Loss of identity: losing control of the TV remote…
Helpline and support groups.

Topic 4. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place
instead of turning the house upside down while screaming.
Open forum.

Topic 5. Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health.
Graphics and audio tape.

Topic 6. Real men ask for directions when lost.
Real-life testimonials.

Topic 7. Learning to live: basic differences between mother and wife.
Online class and role playing.

Topic 8. How to be the ideal shopping companion.
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques. :)

Topic 9. How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays, anniversaries,
other important dates and calling when you’re going to be late.

Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued.

Best Years of My Life

In a seminar A Famous Inspirational Speaker Said:
“Best Years of My Life were spent in the Arms of a Woman who wasn’t MY WIFE!”

Audience was in Shock & Silence

He added:“SHE WAS MY MOTHER !”

Applause & Laughter!
A Top Manager who attended the seminar tried to crack this at Home. After a Drink, He said loudly 2 His Wife, in Kitchen:” Best Years of My Life were spent in the Arms of a Woman who wasn’t my Wife!”

Standing for a Moment trying 2 recall the 2nd Half, he finally blurted out: “I can’t remember who She was”

By the time he regained his Senses, He was on a Hospital Bed recovering from Burns of Boiling Water

Only in the movies

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All telephone numbers in America begin with 555.

Most dogs are immortal.

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
 

It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, provided there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Dinosaurs only eat ugly or immoral people.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you 
want without difficulty.

If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition – even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.

You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor’s first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

All single women have a cat.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

The Chief of Police is always black.

When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet. As you take out a bill, just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by six inches.

Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.

Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people – whether they are employed or not.

Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
 

Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.

If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.

The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective – or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

When the star detective gets suspended, it’s usually because he has wrecked 20 cars during a pursuit, or because he has offended the mayor.
 

A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of an average football stadium.

If a killer is lurking in your house, it’s easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath – even if it’s the middle of the afternoon – then look in your bathroom mirror and he will 
suddenly appear behind you.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.

Restaurant bills will always be 15% less than the amount you are holding in your hand.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant. The room will be subtly lit.

A person being pursued will always stop and throw something at the person chasing them – even though it takes three times longer to stop and throw the obstacles than it does for 
the person chasing to jump over them.

Fragrance snobs

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman in the corner and says arrogantly, “Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!” Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, “Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!” About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns and squeezes out a fart…… “Broccoli – 49 cents a pound!”

Government Job in Post Office.

A man applies for a job at the Post Office.
The interviewer asks him, ‘Are you allergic to anything?’
He says ‘Yes, caffeine.’
‘Have you ever been in the service?’
‘Yes,’ he says. ‘I was in Iraq for two years.’
The interviewer says, ‘That will give you five extra points toward
employment,’ and then asks, ‘Are you disabled in any way?’
The guy says, ‘Yes 100%..a grenade exploded near me and blew my testicles off.’
The interviewer tells the guy, ‘O.K. In that case, I can hire you
right now. Normal hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM. You can start tomorrow
at 10:00am – and plan on starting at 10 AM every day.’
The guy is puzzled and says, ‘If the hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM, why
don’t you want me to be here before 10 AM?’
‘This is a government job,’ the interviewer says. ‘For the first two
hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.
No point in you coming in for that.’

Clearly Amazed

Three race horses are in a stable. One of them starts to boast about
his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"

Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"

"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another,
flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there
listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last
90 races, I've won 88 of them!"

The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence.
"A talking dog."

Classic Joke

*Two radical Jews boarded a flight out of London. *

*One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle
seat.. Just before take-off, an Arab sat down in the aisle seat.=20
After take-off the Arab kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was
settling in when the Jew in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and
get a coke.' 'Don't get up,' said the Arab, **'I'm in the aisle seat, I'll
get it for you.*

*As soon as he left, one of the jew picked up the Arab's shoe and
spat(gobbed) in it. When the Arab returned with the coke, the other Jew
said, 'That looks good. I'd really like one, too.
Again, the Arab obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other
Jew picked up the Arab`s other shoe and spat (gobbed)in it.*

*When the Arab returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the
plane was landing, the Arab slipped his feet into his shoes and knew
immediately what had happened
He leaned over and asked his Jewish neighbours:
'Why does it have to be this way?
'How long must this go on?
'This fighting between our nations?
'This hatred?
'This animosity?
'This spitting in shoes and…… pissing in cokes?'*

Chinese Wedding Night

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a
virgin too, but she doesn't know that.

On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband
undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be
reassuring.

'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis you firss time and you berry
flighten. I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss
anyting you want. You juss ask. Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound
experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her..

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her
request.

She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I want to try someting I have hear
about from odda girls... Numbaa 69.'

More thoughtful silence, this time from him.

Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her, 'You want... Garlic Chicken wif
snow peas?"*

A BEAUTIFUL STORY

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I've got something to tell you.. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the
chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't
talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what
had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory
answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just
pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company..

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I
had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of
me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a
kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several
weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something
at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell
asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal
a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of
our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going
crazy.. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd
request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to
face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we
both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy
in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to
the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in
my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about
the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the
office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry
her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "all my
dresses have grown bigger.. "I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her
heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer
and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I
might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,
walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her
hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;
it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I
held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind.... I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not
want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have
a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on
our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my
wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and
wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I
ran up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.......I cried and
cried uncontrollably and carried her for the last time from the room to
the hall with tears streaming down my face and gazing at my only son,
his tears rolling from his eyes, they made me cry even more. I had lost
my love, my wife and a loving and caring mother and nothing I could do
now to put the clock backward.. I had all the time now to look at her
motionless body in detail but I knew it was going to be only for a short
while until she made her last journey to the Lord.....I held my son and
wept again and again thinking of all the things I did not do for her
when she was still alive....... ..and placed gently the flowers in her
hands with my tears trickling on them.......she was gone forever, all my
tears would not bring her back .

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the
bank, blah..blah..
blah. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be
your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that
build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you might just save a marriage.
To those who are married, .. Not married .. and soon to be married

THE TIME IS ALWAYS RIGHT TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT (M.L. King)

Moral of the story is to value all the things we possess, once they are
gone we have nothing but regrets!

HOLY SHIT ( 18 +)