Men Never Listen

in a Chicago Hospital , a gentleman had made

several attempts to get into the men's restroom,

but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you

promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there

he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.

Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP20

and a red one labeled ATR..

Who would know if he touched them? ;

He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. Warm water was

sprayed gently upon his bottom.

What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button.

Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button.

A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding

a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable

pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom,
it is tender loving pleasure..

When the powder puff completed its pleasure,

he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he

knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was

in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

"What happened?" he exclaimed. "The last thing

I remember was pushing the ATR button."

"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover.

Your penis is under your pillow."

MEN NEVER LISTEN

Female Compassion

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach under a palm tree.  He had no arms and no legs. Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.  The  brunnette said,  "Have you ever had a hug?" The man said "NO," so she gave him a hug and walked on. The redhead said," Have you ever had a kiss?"  The man said, "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.   The blond came to him and said,  "Have you ever been Screwed?"  The fellow said, "No."  She said, "You will be when the tide comes in." 

Confused Blonde

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

 

The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

 

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"  

 

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

 

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 

 

 

 "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. 

 

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.

 

 

We're going at night!"  

The Scuba Diver

One day, a scuba diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. Looking around, he saw a guy at the same depth without any scuba gear on, so, he decided to go down another 20 feet.

He took another look around, and low and behold, there was the same guy. I can't believe it, thought the scuba diver, I bet he can't go down another 25 feet.

So the diver goes down another 25 feet and, again, there is the guy!

Totally amazed, the scuba diver pulls out a chalkboard and writes, "How the heck are you able to go so deep and stay under so long without any equipment?"

The guy grabs the chalkboard and writes, "I'm drowning you moron!"

Work or Pleasure?

A US Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.

He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.

A Captain said it was 50-50%.

A Lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."

The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

The room fell silent.

The Preacher's Son...

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

 1. A Bible.
 2. A silver dollar.
 3. A bottle of whiskey.
 4. A Playboy magazine.

 'I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself.  "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!

 "If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.

 "But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.

 "And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."

 The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

He picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine's centerfold.

 "Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered. "He's gonna run for Congress."