The Ant and the Grasshopper

An Old Story:

 

 The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

 

Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

 

 Indian Version:

 

 The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

 

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

 

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

 

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

 

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.

 

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .

 

Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities.

 

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

 

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt

support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

 

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for ' Bengal Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

 

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and

Grasshoppers.

 

Mamta Bannerji allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

 

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the

winter.

 

Kapil Sibbal makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

 

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government

and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

  

Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'.

 

Mamta calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.

 

CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '

  

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

 

Many years later....

 

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley ,

  

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ,

 

......AND

 

 

As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers,

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India is still a developing country…!!!

Black eyes

The naughty, Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.

His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"

"But Dad, it was not my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That`s when she hit me!"

"Johnny," the father said. "You don`t do those kind of things to women."



The very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.

Johnny`s father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"

"But Dad," Johnny said, "It was not my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn`t like this, so I pushed it back in!"

Miracle Drugs for women

D A M N I T O L

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

 

ST.M O M M A'S W O R T

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days. 

P E P T O B I M B O

Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and 

prevents conception. 

D U M B E R O L

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

  

F L I P I T O R

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.  

M E N I C I L L I N

Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person."

BUYAGRA

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

This is brilliant

 You don't even  have to be a mother to enjoy this  one.

Brian invited his mother  over for dinner. During the course of the meal,  Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how  beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was.  Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the  platonic relationship between Brian and  Jennifer, and this had only made her more  curious.

Over the course of the  evening, while watching the two interact, she  started to wonder if there was more between  Brian and Jennifer than met the  eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts,  Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be  thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are  just roommates.'

About a week  later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever  since your mother came to dinner, I've been  unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle.  You don't suppose she took it, do  you?'

Brian said, 'Well, I doubt  it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure.  So he sat down and  wrote:

__________________________________________________________

Dear  Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did'  take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not  saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle.  But the fact remains that one has been missing  ever since you were here for  dinner.

Love,  Brian
__________________________________________________________

Several  days later, Brian received an email back from  his mother that  read:
____________________________________________________

Dear  Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do'  sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do  not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains  that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she  would have found the gravy ladle by  now.

Love,  Mom

LESSON  OF THE DAY -
NEVER  LIE TO YOUR MOTHER

Open and Shut Case

Bubba was arrested for selling moonshine.

At his trial, his lawyer put him on the stand and said,

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I ask you to take

a good look at my client. Look carefully at him.

I'll give you some time."

After a few seconds of silence he continued,

"Now, ladies and gentleman of the jury, you've looked

carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there and

honestly believe that if my client had a quart of whiskey,

that he would sell it?"


Bubba was acquitted after 3 minutes' deliberation!

The Proposal

At a country club party a young man was introduced

to an attractive girl. Immediately she began flattering

him outrageously. The guy liked the young lady, but

was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch.

He was amazed when, after 30 minutes, she seriously

proposed marriage.

"Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can

you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."

"You're wrong," she smiled. "For the past five years,

I've been working in the back of the bank where you

have your account. I know all I need to know about you."

favourite joke ever!!

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.
She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'
The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...
'I think the man would have said - 'Well, Fuck Me !! A talking pig!'
The teacher had to leave the room.