Funny Joke

This man had been having a few beers down at the neighborhood bar. It was dark out and he was walking home by a park when nature called so he stepped behind a hedge to relieve himself. To his and their surprise a couple were going at it on the grass and he almost stepped on them. The guy got up and and took off running. The man could see the naked outline of the gal’s bare legs as she continued to lie there while he relieved himself. He could feel his interest grow as he finished.

Without a word he got down and took advantage of the situation. She embraced him and showed her willingness. Just as they were both getting into it hot and heavy a cop walked by and shined his flashlight on them saying, "What the hell do you think your doing, this is a public park."

The man said, "But officer this is my wife."

The officer said, "Oh, I didn't know she was your wife."

The man said, "Neither did I until you shined your light on her."

Concentration Test For Men !!!

For FaceBook Friends : Click Here To Start The Test

New Mirror being offered at WalMart

My kind of Walmart Greeter

A very unattractive, mean actin' woman walks into Walmart  with her two
kids. After shoving her way past several customers waiting to get carts, she
says to the Walmart greeter, "Go through those carts and  find me
one that doesn't need oiling for once!"

"Yes Ma'am, happy to oblige," says the Greeter, and goes and
picks out a cart for her.

 

 "Here you are, Ma'am, hope this one is okay," he says. 

 "If you'd get out of my way, maybe I could find out!" snaps
the woman.

"Sorry, Ma'am," the Greeter says, standing aside, "And you
and the twins have a nice day."

The woman snarls, "They're not twins, you moron! They don't
even look  alike."

The greeter smiles, "No they don't Ma'am. I just couldn't 

believe you got  laid twice.

Jokes to Share

Having just completed my training as the hospital's switchboard operator, I was reasonably confident that I knew all the codes for emergencies:
Code Blue for cardiac arrest, Code Red for fire, etc.

My first night on the job alone, however, a nurse phoned and asked me to page a "Code Brown, Room 214."

I had no idea what that was. I called the page, then searched frantically through my emergency manual, but I couldn't find any description of it anywhere. Stumped, I finally called the nurse back and asked her about it.

"Relax," laughed the nurse. "Code Brown is what we page when a patient is discharged and leaves behind an unfinished box of chocolates!"
============================================================================

One day Little Johnny's teacher, decided to play a spelling game. She gave a letter of the alphabet and the kids have to spell a word starting with that letter, then use it in a sentence. Starting with "A" Little Johnny's hand was continually in the air, but the teacher ignored him. Little Johnny had a propensity for lewd remarks and could turn the simplest of statements into sexual innuendo. The teacher was afraid to let Johnny use any letter that he could turn into a lewd statement.

"All right now, Susan, you first?" said the teacher.

"A is for Ape, A-P-E, An ape likes bananas," answered Susan.

"Excellent!" said the teacher.

She continues on through the alphabet. Finally she reaches F. Now she will NOT let Little Johnny answer this under any circumstances so she asks Mary.

"F is for Fairy F-A-I-R-Y, they're little girls who lives among the flowers," Mary replies.

"Great!" says the teacher. "Now we get to G."

Only Little Johnny has his hand up so the teacher thinks about this and decides "G" is a safe one. "Yes Johnny?" she asks.

"G is for Gnome G-N-O-M-E. A Gnome lives among the flowers too."

"Johnny! That's Excellent!" exclaims the teacher, very happy that for once he wasn't out of line.

Little Johnny goes on to say, "Yes, teacher, he's the one who screws the fairies!"

Just a Dime

As a kid I used to have a lemonade stand. The sign said, "All you can drink for a dime." So some kid would come up, plunk down his dime, drink a glass, and say, "Refill it."

I'd say, "That'll be another dime."

"How come? Your sign says -- All you can drink for a dime!"

"Well, you had a glass didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"That's all you can drink for a dime."
================================================================================

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.

On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest classes in the school.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
He had no trouble with discipline that term.      

Todays word is ----------------- Fluctuations

Today's word is ................. Fluctuations



I was at my bank today; there was a short line.



There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.



It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change?



Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"



The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."



The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

Do You Believe in Numerology?

I never believed in this sort of stuff…

But when I read it I found some of the points are true…

In fact it is long but it is good to read it

Don't ignore it

Sorry for that

Thank you

STORY BEHIND YOUR DATE OF BIRTH

If YOU were born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, 28th of any month YOU are number 1...

If YOU were born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th, 29th of any month then YOU are number 2...

If YOU were born on the 3rd, 12th, 21st, 30th of any month then YOU are number 3...

If YOU were born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, 31st of any month then YOU are number 4....

If YOU were born on the 5th, 14th, 23rd of any month then YOU are number 5…

If YOU were born on the 6th, 15th, 24th of any month then YOU are number 6…

If YOU were born on the 7th, 16th, 25th of any month then YOU are number 7…

If YOU were born on the 8th, 17th, 26th of any month then YOU are number 8...

If YOU were born on the 9th, 18th, 27th of any month then YOU are number 9...

Number 1

You are smart, straight talking, funny, stubborn, hardworking, honest,

Jealous on competing basis, kind hearted, angry, friendly, authorities,

Famous person...always want to be and regarded as first on people

Position, they are often like to be independent, will never be under

Others, self confident people!

You are most likely to fall in love in the younger age, but will get

Marry when you mature! You are likely to have problems with people who have opposite views

And you are most likely to take revenge over your

Enemies in a long time basis. You are a spender, but you will have a good profession in the future.

If you are guy you will be very popular that everybody will have mental attraction and respect at you.

You can go anywhere from the local shop to the heart of the parliament because you are positive and

Well talented in numerous issues!! But in your life you will always have some people who will work hard

To bring you & your name down. This is undercover!! Coz of your smart behavior you will be hated by some

People too...

Your family life is very cool, you will have a very nice partner &

Wonderful children... You are pioneer, independent & original...

Your best match is 4, 6, 8 good match is 3, 5, 7!!!

Number 2

No matter what, you will be loved by everyone coz your ruler is the

Moon and everyone loves the Moon. Well... You are a person who day dream a lot,

You have very low-self confidence, you need back up for every move in your life, you

Are very much unpredictable. Means you do change according to time and circumstances,

Kind a selfish, have a very strong sense of musical, artistic talent, verbal communication.

Your attitudes are like the Moon, comes to gloom and fade away so everybody can expect

Changes in you. You can be a next Mahatma Gandhi who does peace love or you can be a

Hitler who wants to destroy the man kind and peace (I mean in the community and your own home).

If you really have a deep thought about your own believe in God you can

Feel the difference which will make you stronger! Most of the time your

Words are a kind of would be happening true! So without any knowledge

You can predict the situation. You will become poets, writers, any

Artistic business people!

You are not strong in love, so you will be there and here till you get

Marry.. If U r a girl you will be a responsible woman in the whole

Family. If U r a man you will involve in fights & arguments in the family or

Vice-versa. Means you will sacrifice your life for the goodness sake of

Your family...You are gentle, intuitive with a broad vision, a power

Behind the scenes, well balanced People!!!

Your best match is 2, 5, 9 no other people can put up with you!!!

Number 3

You are a person of hard hearted, selfish most of the times, religious,

Loves to climb up in your life. You always tend to have lots of problems

Within your family in the early stages but you will put up with everything..

You have the strong word power, pretty happy face.. So wherever you go always

You have got what you wanted!!! And from the birth always wanted to work hard in order

To achieve something.. You will not get

Anything without hard work! When you reach a man/ woman age you want other younger

Once to listen to you because you want younger people to respect people older than them.

You do set so many examples to others. Generally you are not a cool person. It's not easy

Thing dealing with you. A tough player you are! But once you like someone's attitude! e then

Here you go, what can I say? It will be a lasting friendship. You always have respect from others.

Your life seems to have lots of worries and problems but sure they won't be long.. You will always

Have brilliant kids!!! You love the money a bit too much so temptation will push you to endless

Trying and trying... If you are a guy then it's over. Looking after your family and help friends, so you

Will spend a life time just being generous and kind (except 21st born men). And number 3s you will

Be such an example of how to be in the culture & life!!! If you are girl then you have good character

And culture & hardworking attitude. You always follow. You are a freedom lover, creative, ambition

Focused, a person who brings beauty, hope & joy to this world!!!

Your best match 6, 9. Good match 1, 3, 5!!!

Number 4

You are very stubborn too, very hard working but unlucky in important

Matters in life, very cool, helpful, you have rough word power... Might

Put lots of people away from you, you may cause nuisance to others if you are a man,

And you often understand others and their problems well. If you are a girl you are very

Good with studies and arts. If you are a guy you spend most of the time after girl friends

(Almost) at times, you will have sort of too much fun life with mates & girls. Your friends will

Spend your time & money and get away with their life and you will become empty handed and

Don’t know what to do... So be careful!! You love to spend anyway!!! Your good will is you are

Always there to help family and friends. Tell you what you people are little gem! s, specially the girls..

You always fall in love in younger age as well. You often live with disappointments, for an example

You have got a degree in some thing... but you will be unemployed... Or will do very ordinary jobs.

But you will take care of your family very well...All you need to be careful of people who will take

Advantage of your kind heart. And beware of your relations too... You are radical, patient, persistent,

a bit old-fashioned, you live with foundation & order...

Your best Match 1, 8. Good match 5, 6, 7!!!

Number 5

You are very popular within the community; you can get things done by

Just chatting...to even enemies! You have a pretty good business mind, you are often

Have no-idea what is today is like, or tomorrow is like, you are a person who does anything

When your head thinks "let’s do this". You will be famous if you open up a business,

Get involve in share dealings, music etc... Very popular with sense of humor, you are

The one your friends and families will always ask for help and you are the one actually

Get money on credit and help your friends. You will have more than 1 relationship,

But when u get settle down you will be a bit selfish anyway. Coz your other half will

Have a pretty good amount of control in you, be careful! You tend to go for other relationships!

Contacts even you are married at times 'coz your popularity... You are someone who gets along

With anyone coz the number 5 is the middle number... Changes & freedom lovers you are! You are

An explorer with magic on your face. You learn your life through experience and it's your best teacher!!!

Your best match 1, 2, 9. Good match 6, 8!!!

Number 6

Ooopppss...You are born to enjoy... You don't care about others. I mean

You are always wanted to enjoy your life time, you are a person... You will be

Very good in either education or work wise or business management! You are talented,

Kind (but with only people who you think are nice), very

Beautiful girls and guys, popular and more than lucky with anything in

Your lives. All the goodness does come with you. Your mind and body is just made perfect for love.

You are lovable by any other numbers. But if you are a number 6 man, you will experience kind of

Looks from most girls and will involve in more than few relationships until you get married. If you are girl,

Most of you will get marry/engaged early. You are! A caring

Person towards your family & friends. If you miss the half-way mark then you are about to suffer physically

And mentally. Generally you will lead very good inner-home happiness with nothing short of. You are a person of compassion, comfort & fairness, domestic responsibility, good

Judgment, and after all you can heal this world wounds to make peace for every life coz you have the great

Power of caring talent to make this world of love one step further...

Your best match 1, 6, and 9. Good match 4, 5!!!

Number 7

You have got the attraction to anyone out there, you are realistic,

Very confident, happy, such a talented individual with your education,

Music, arts, singing, and most importantly acting too. You have real problems

With bad temper! If you are a girl, you are popular with the subjects listed above.

You give up things for your parents. I mean you value your family status a lot, you will be

In the top rank when you reach a certain age. If you are a guy you are popular with girls,

You are a very talented too. Most of the number 7s faces lots of problems with their marriage life.

Only a very few are happy.. You have everything in your life, but still always number 7s have some sort of unfullfilness, such worries all their lifetime. It's probably the Lord given you al! l sort of over the

Standard humans talents and you are about to suffer in family life. So you need to get ready looking

For a partner rather than waiting. If you don't, then you might end-up single. So take care with this issue,

Ok? You are wonderful, friendly, artistic, happy person... You are born to

Contribute lots to this world!!!

Your best match is 2. Good matches are 1,4 !!!

Number 8

You are a very strong personality, there's no one out there will

Understand you. You are very good at pointing your finger at something and say "this is what".

You are more likely to suffer from the early ages. I mean poverty. If your times are not good

You might lose either of your

Parent and end up looking after your entire family. You often suffer all the way in life.

The problems will not allow you to study further, but you will

Learn the life in a very practical way. You are the one who will fight

For justice and may die in the war too. You are normally very reserved with handful of

Friends and most of the time live life lonely and always

Prepared to help others. Well. Once you get married (which is often

Late) then your bad lucks will go away a bit and you! u become safe. You will face un-expected

Problems such as: the error, government, poisonous animals, accidents. You are someone with

Great discipline, persistence, courage, strength which will take you to success. You are a great part

Of a family team. You are a fighter!

Your Best match 1, 4, and 8. Good match 5!!!

Number 9

Hey...you guys are the incompatibles people in the world. You are so

Strong, physically and mentally... You are often having big-aims. You will work

Hard and hard to get there.

Normally you suffer in the early age from family problems and generally you

Will have fighting life... But when you

Achieve what you have done, it's always a big task you have done! You are so much respected in

The community, you are a person who can make a challenge and successfully finish the matter off.

You are very naughty in your younger age, often beaten up by your parents and involve in fights

And you seemed to have lots of injuries in your life time. But when u grows you become calm and macho type.

Love is not an easy matter for you. You are good in engineering or banking jobs coz people always trust you.

Your family life is very good, but will have worries over your children.

Your such qualities are humanitarian, patient, very wise & compassionate.

You are born to achieve targets and serve everyone all equally without any prejudice.

You are totally a role model to anybody in the world for a great inspiration.

Your Best match 3, 5, 6, and 9. Good match 2

**BE LOVE**

Blessing all-ways~

Little Johnny and Vibrator

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.



The first little boy says, "Alligator."



"Very good, that's a big word."



The second boy says, "Predator."



"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."



Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss."




After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."



"Well my Dad knows a lady named Nancy that has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!"

Loving Wife

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds couple in bed.He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the home owner's wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.




While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!




He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do what ever he tells you.Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!'




His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.'

Idiot

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him,



"So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."



I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired:

"An ID ten T error?


What's that ... In case I need to fix it again?"

The computer guy grinned....

"Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, " and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote out ...... I D 1 0 T

If God Was A Woman....

1. Sex would smell like chocolate



2. Farts would smell like roses



3. Dogs would smell spring fresh



4. Babies would come from vending machines



5. Men would be born with a permanent erection



6. All women would have the same size breasts



7. There would be no cellulite



8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE



9. Men would be born with an "OFF" switch



10. There would be no "Hooters"



11. A man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife



12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in Hawaii!



13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle



14. Men would come with software to be custom designed



15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by Wife



16. Men would have a built in lie detector on forehead for instant Verification of truth



17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the Difference between six inches and three inches



18. Sex would last longer than 30 seconds



19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the Cheek



20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug.

few sex facts

*Sex can tell you more about a gay than his sun sign, car and choice of starters combined.

*Remember marriage is a binding contract.

*You have just had the best sex of your life and explosives are going off inside you. You are hoping for a few loving words, but he is already rolled over and fallen to sleep.

Cheer up

*A survey of 10, 000 English men has revealed that 48% of them actually asleep during sex. Now that would be bummer.

*Man needs a period of rest after ejaculation. What is important is weather or not he makes sure that you are satisfied.

Indian sex study

*Only 27% women admitted having tried oral sex with their partners

*Only 32% Indian women feel satisfied after sex.

*60% don’t share their sexual fantasies with their partners.

*Men tried to be more emotionally insecure than woman. If he simply wants to hold you and caress you after the sex, it is probably to reassure him self and you of your togetherness.

*Men can be just as loving as women.

*Man gets fascination with your breasts.

Kamasutra has
*10 types of kissing techniques.
*64 different caresses
*8 variations of oral sex
*84 positions for intercourse
AND ALL HE THINKS ABOUT ARE THE BREASTS

*If a man is reluctant to withdraw after the sex, he is probably basking in the great feeling you have given him.

*Men can’t keep up the penetration more than a couple of minutes once they ejaculated, as the penis has turned soft.

*Men tend to fall in love faster and more frequently than women.

*50% men date solely to have sex.

*33% look to dating as a means of long term relationship.

*Couples that are the happiest tend to be those with the best sex lives.

*Couples that are sexually compatible are more loving and act more positively towards their partners.

People who have sex At least three times a week can look up to 10 years younger than those who make love less frequently.