And finally GOD created MAN

 

GOD created the DONKEY and told him, 'You will work tireless from sunrise up to sunset, carrying heavy bags on your back, you will eat grass. You will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You will be a DONKEY!'

The DONKEY answered, 'I will be a DONKEY, but living 50 years is too much, give me only 20 years!' and GOD gave him 20 years.

GOD created DOG and told him ' You will look after man's house, you will be his best friend, you will eat whatever they give you and you will live 25years, You will be a DOG!'

The DOG answered 'GOD, living 25 years is too much, give only 10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.

GOD created the MONKEY and told him, 'you will jump from branch to branch you will do silly things, you will be amusing and you will live 20 years, you will be a MONKEY!'

The MONKEY answered ' GOD, living 20 years is too much , give me only 10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.

Finally,

GOD created MAN and told him, 'you will be a MAN the only rational being on this earth and you will use your intelligence to control other animals, you will dominate the world and you will live for 20 years.

The MAN answered, GOD I will be a man but living 20 years is not enough, why don't you give me the 30 years that the DONKEY refused, the 15 years that the DOG didn't want and the 10 years that the MONKEY refused ?'

That was exactly what GOD did, and since then:

MAN lives 20 years like a MAN, then he gets married and spends 30 years like a DONKEY, working and carrying the load on his back. Then, when his children leave he spends 15 years like DOG looking after the house and eating whatever is given to him. Then he gets old, retires and spends 10 years like a MONKEY, jumping from house to house or from children to children, doing silly things to amuse his grandchildren!

SOME LOGICIAL THOUGHTS and STATEMENTS

Whenever you find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
_____

To Err is human, but to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
_____

The road to success??.. Is always under construction.
_____

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
_____

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you have ability to repay back.
_____

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.
_____

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
_____

Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
_____

If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
_____

You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
_____

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
_____

42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot.
_____

As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.
_____

He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
_____

If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.
_____

Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
_____

When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
_____

If you have paper, you don't have a pen. If you have a pen, you don't have paper. If you have both, no one calls.
_____

Especially for engg. Students : If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
_____

You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
_____

The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
_____

After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
_____

If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
_____

Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker
_____

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.
_____

There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
_____

An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
_____

Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
_____

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
_____

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
_____

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
_____

Well done is better than well said .
_____

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
_____

Where there is a WILL, there is a WAY, Where there is MONEY, there are many WAYS.
_____

Where there is MONEY, there are many FRIENDS and RELATIVES.
_____

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Clinton`s secret box

Bill & Hillary Clinton are celebrating their 25th Anniversary. All 25 years Bill has kept a large box under his side of the bed. He asked Hillary never to look in his box, and so she obeyed. But, on the morning of their 25th, she couldn`t stand the suspense any longer. She opened the box and there were three empty beer cans and $1800 cash. She closed the box and put it back.


At dinner, she looks to Bill and says, "Bill, I never looked in your box all 25 years, but I had to look today. The suspense was killing me. Though, I`m confused. Why three beer cans and $1800?"


He looks at her a few moments then tells her. "Hillary, every time I was unfaithful to you, I kept an empty beer can."


Hillary still looks puzzled." Ok Bill, I know the three times you were unfaithful. I`m hurt but that`s over with, But why $1800?"


Bill says," Well, every time the box got full, I went to recycling and kept the money."

How to deal with the upcoming events.

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company.


One day, the Dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the Dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.


The Dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the Dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."


Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That Dachshund! Nearly had me."


Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the Dachshund sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.


The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."


Now the Dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... And just when they get close enough to hear,


The Dachshund says......................

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

--------------



Moral: It doesn't matter what cards you hold but how you play them!!

The Touchstone

When the great library of Alexandria burned, the story goes, one book was saved. But it was not a valuable book; and so a poor man, who could read a little, bought it for a few coppers.


The book wasn't very interesting, but between its pages there was something very interesting indeed. It was a thin strip of vellum on which was written the secret of the "Touchstone"!


The touchstone was a small pebble that could turn any common metal into pure gold. The writing explained that it was lying among thousands and thousands of other pebbles that looked exactly like it. But the secret was this: The real stone would feel warm, while ordinary pebbles are cold.




So the man sold his few belongings, bought some simple supplies, camped on the seashore, and began testing pebbles. He knew that if he picked up ordinary pebbles and threw them down again because they were cold, he might pick up the same pebble hundreds of times. So, when he felt one that was cold, he threw it into the sea. He spent a whole day doing this but none of them was the touchstone. Yet he went on and on this way. Pick up a pebble. Cold - throw it into the sea. Pick up another. Throw it into the sea.


The days stretched into weeks and the weeks into months. One day, however, about midafternoon, he picked up a pebble and it was warm. He threw it into the sea before he realized what he had done. He had formed such a strong habit of throwing each pebble into the sea that when the one he wanted came along, he still threw it away.


So it is with opportunity. Unless we are vigilant, it's easy to fail to recognize an opportunity when it is in hand and it's just as easy to throw it away.

.Love is? (So Cute)...

Insurance Salesman

Peter walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.


"We don't need anyone" they replied.


"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!"


"Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job."


He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00.


"How in the world did you do that ?" they asked.


"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!"


"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.


"What's that?" he asked.


"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."


Peter was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to close when he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. George's and this one is Mr. Robert's."


"That's good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"


"Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"

Distinction between "Guts " and "Balls"

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?


In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...


GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"


BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."


I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.


Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death!

Generation gaps - A fact

Generation gaps - A fact prevalent reproduced for enlightenment of  the preseant

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1950's, 60's,70's & 80s

First, we survived being born to mothers who had no full time maids/cooked food/cleaned the house while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate cheese , sweet dishes and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking .

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a local bus/train was a special treat.

We drank water from the tap and NOT from a bottle.

We would spend hours on the terrace under bright sunlight flying our kites, without worrying about the UV effect which never ever effect us.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate pastries, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours reparing our out dated bicycle and scooter out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem .

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms........! .WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no

lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were never given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,

we made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.


We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Cricket League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned

HOW TO

DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

and while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

PS -The big type is because you are short sighted at your age

Santa Complains

Santa heard his son reciting his homework:
"Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch...'" "Shut up !" shouted furoius Santa. "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords".
"But, Dad," replied the boy, "that's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it."
Next day Santa went right into the classroom to complain.
"Oh, heavens !" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four.' "

Sardar On Demand (Back)

A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question -


Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?


Sardar- Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.




---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sardarji, tell me ...., what is the meaning of SMS ?


Sardar angrily said, i know -


it means....


S - Sardaron ke


M - Mazak udane ki


S - Service




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Shopkeeper: "ISke Saath koi gift nahin hai bhaisaab"


Sard : "Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE!!"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED
SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY,


WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..


MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,


MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,


MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.
SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sardarjee to Sunita: "I want to marry you"
Sunita: "But I am one year elder than you."
Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year."


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two
drinks took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.
"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars exchanged their sandwiches.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Once a Sardarji was going to his office.
On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt.
Next day , he noticed two banana peels and
exclaimed" ari , aaj to choice hai"!!!!!!


*********************************************************


American says "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."
Sardarji " India mein to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hi hoti
hai...!!!"


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dr Chopra psychotherapist wanted 'Sign board' to be
pained in front of his clinic but our Sardar painter
painted "Dr Chorpa Psycho The Rapist"


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE .........


Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai......


Doosari bigadati hai to "SHUROO' ho jati hai


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Doctor to Sardaar : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?


Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saal sey mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard ........


Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still..... digging for more.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sardar found answer to most difficult question ever


What comes first - the chicken or the egg ?


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered
huge Loss.
Do u know what the business was?
. . . .. . . . . . . . He opened a Saloon in Punjab!.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face
in a funeral > function, suddenly all relatives beat
him why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs
tree, sits on the
branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch manager."


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open
mouth.................
WHY?


because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should
be light".


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF
I SARDAR,SHE SARDARNEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY
KIDNEY....


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to
his college.


U knw Why?


Because he wanted to check where the question paper is
leaking...


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"


He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"


------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------


How do you recognize a Sardar in School?


He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.


------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------


once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.


-------------------------------------------------------------------


Sardarji praising his son who is a Civil engineer, who just laid a road near his house. "Wow! This is terrific! Look at the job he has done! The distance from my house to the railway station is the same as the railway station to my house!!!!!!!!"


*******************************************************************


Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya rahe honge....think.............


"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"


*********************************************************************************


What is the chemical formula 4 water? Sardar: HIJKLMNO.


Teacher: what r u talking about?


Sardar: Yesterday u said H to O.


**********************************************************************


Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why do you take these things with you?). Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun" (If the stupid train comes late, I will die of hunger!


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sardar ji Aapko logo ne kyun mara ? Sardar " yaar Meri Photo Bas main Gir Gayi To Maine Madam Se Kaha Zara Sadi Upar Karo Photo Lena Hai"


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Ek sardar Indian Flag lene shop mein gaya tha. Shopwale ne usse flag diya. Sardar bola: Isme aur colour dikhao!!!


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Ek american ek sardar se kaha hamare yahan saadi e-mail se bhi hoti hai isper sardar bola kamal hai hamare yahan to sirf female se hoti hai


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A Sardar went 2 hotel, ordered chiken, Waiter comes with the order,Surdar:Murgey di taang kithe hai? Waiter:Woh langra tha.


Surdar: Dil? Waiter:Dil murgi le gayee. Surdar: Dimaag? Waiter: MurgaSARDAR tha


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


SARDAR:: Beta ye kaisi machis lay kar aaye ho ek bhi nahi jal rahi
SON :: kya baat kartay ho pappa sub check kar kay laya hoooon


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start
approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon
sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji
replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to
janwar hai, usko kya pata"


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sardar ji is buying a TV
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sardar ji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra
sheet?
He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.


************************************************************


One day evening a Sardarji starts from office to home with pushing his scooter manually. He met his friend on the way...


Friend: why are you pushing your scooter manually? Sardarji: 'I forgot to bring the scooter key from my home. Friend: 'Is it!


Then, How did you come to office from home in the morning?' Sardarji: 'I was pushing my scooter from home to office also in the morning.


************************************************************


How Does a Sardar Cheat the Railways?? He buys the ticket but doesn't travel !!!!!!!!


************************************************************


BEPPO SINGH QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE. Friend: What are you looking at? Beppo Singh: I know your PIN no., hee, hee. Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Beppo Singh: four asterisks!


************************************************************


Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".


*************************************************************


Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.


One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."


"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."


And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."




*************************************************************


One Sardar read a board "likhney wala briliant.....parhney wala idiot.."Sardar becomes engry, he rub the board and writes, "parhney wala briliant, likhney wala idiot...."


***************************************************************


Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai "Wash Basin".


*****************************************************************


What did the Sardar say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"


********************************************************************************


What do you call an eternity?
Four Sardars in four cars at a four way stop.


********************************************************************************


Why do Sardars have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.


********************************************************************************


What do SMART Sardars and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.


*******************************************************************************


Why did the Sardars stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
Oh look, Daddy...Donut seeds.


*********************************************************************************


Why do Sardars always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.


*******************************************************************************


How can you tell when a Sardars sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.


*******************************************************************************


Why can't Sardars dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone!

HUMOROUS HRD NOTICE OF A COMPANY TO ALL EMPLOYEES

[ A circular was found in one of the office notice boards ]


Dear STAFF ,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.




____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
1) TRANSPORTATION:
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.




a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.






2) ANNUAL LEAVE :
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).
- They are called SUNDAYs.






3) LUNCH BREAK:
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.






4) SICK DAYS :
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.






5) TOILET USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.






6) SURGERY :
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.






7) INTERNET USAGE :
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges
will be deducted from your salary.
- Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection.


Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ____




Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.




Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.


Best regards,
HRD

Read once a week

This is something we should all read at least once a week.


Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio.


"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:


1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.


3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.


4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.


5. Pay off your credit cards every month.


6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.


7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.


8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.


9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.


10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.


11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.


12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.


13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.


14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.


15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.


16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.


17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.


18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.


19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.


20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.


21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.


22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.


23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.


24. The most important sex organ is the brain.


25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.


26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'


27. Always choose life.


28. Forgive everyone everything.


29. What other people think of you is none of your business.


30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.


31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.


32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.


33. Believe in miracles.


34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.


35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.


36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.


37. Your children get only one childhood.


38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.


39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.


40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.


41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.


42. The best is yet to come.


43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.


44. Yield.


45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."


Its estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will, forward this with the title '7%'. I'm in the 7%. Remember that I will always share my spoon with you!






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Jab Main Chota ( Must Read )

Jabmain chhota bachha tha ....... Badi Shararat karta tha !

Sar se patthar todta tha !

Basketball se khelta tha !

Comodo Dragon pe ghumta tha !

Dolphin ke saath tairta tha !

Sher Ko bhi darata tha !

Police ko awaj deta tha !

Gadi se race lagata tha !

Raste pe surfing karta tha !

Naye naye Dosthon banatha tha !!

Leheronpe sawar bhi hota tha !

Ab mein office jata hu....... !

Kursi pe baita rehta hu................ !

Boss se darta rahta hu.................!

Kaam ke kaaran......................

Patthar pe Sar todta hu !!!!!

"HEH BAGWAN KYA ZINDAGI HAI "

Keh kar rota rahta hu !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Necklace

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five.


Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. "Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?"


Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.


"A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma."


As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies.


After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents.


On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace. Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath.


Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green. Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would


Stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story.


One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"


"Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you." "Then give me your pearls."


"Oh, daddy, not my pearls.


But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favorite."


"That's okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night."


And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.


About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"


"Daddy, you know I love you."


"Then give me your pearls."


"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."


"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you."


And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss. A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian style.


As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.


"What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"


Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy.


And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, daddy; this is for you."


With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure.


So it is, with our Heavenly Father.


He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures. Isn't God good?


Are you holding onto things that God wants you to let go of? Are you holding on to harmful or unnecessary partners, relationships, habits and activities that you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to let go?


Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing .


God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.


The greatest gifts happen when you share love & touch others. NOT to DECIDE is to DECIDE ..

100 Ways to Love

1. Hug them.
2. Write a love note.
3. Call them at work just to say Hi
4. Give them a foot massage.
5. Tell them a joke.
6. Caress them with slow gentle strokes.
7. Go for a walk with them.
8. Send them a happy gram.
9. Admit your mistakes.
10. Say:I love you.

11. Indulge a whim.
12. Listen to them talk about an interest of theirs.
13. Be trustworthy.
14. Instead of complaining, tell them what you would prefer.
15. Look at them when you're in a discussion.
16. Send flowers.
17. Compliment something they did.
18. Offer to help.
19. Ask them to show you how to do something.
20. Call when you are going to be late.

21. Take them out to dinner.
22. Write them a poem about how special they are.
23. Cut out a cartoon they will enjoy.
24. Ask them what they like sexually.
25. Go shopping together.
26. Take an afternoon drive.
27. Cuddle.
28. Put your arm around them in front of others.
29. Take them out on a surprise date.
30. Do something they want to do.

31. Listen.
32. Plan a candle light dinner.
33. Look at old photos together.
34. Serve them breakfast in bed.
35. Hold hands.
36. Share sexual fantasies.
37. Do a work project together.
38. Rub their back.
39. Take a shower together.
40. Carry their photo in your wallet.

41. Go away together for a weekend holiday.
42. Kiss them.
43. Smile more when you look at them.
44. Go for a bicycle ride together.
45. Surprise them with a special attire.
46. Plan a picnic lunch.
47. Read something together about how to have a better relationship.
. .
48. Repeat what they say before answering.
49. Say Good morning first.
50. Ask if they have a few minutes first before interrupting.

51. Send them a card.
52. Surprise them with a gift when its a non-holiday.
53. Cook them a favorite meal.
54. Try a new restaurant.
55. Ask them how they feel.
56. Let them know when you are proud of them.
57. Ask for their opinion.
58. Turn on some romantic music.
59. Dedicate a song to them.
60. Send them a balloon bouquet.

61. Watch a sunset together.
62. Play a game together.
63. Have them teach you something they know.
64. Tell them they have the night off.
65. Go to a movie they select.
66. Ask them for a hug.
67. Wear some new cologne.
68. Take them to Bali.
69. Discuss future plans with them.
70. Ask if you can help when they look sad.

71. Ask them about their dreams.
72. Meet them for lunch.
73. Enlarge a scenic photo of a place you have shared.
74. Give them a gift certificate for their favorite store.
75. Tell them what you like about them.
76. Buy them a new perfume.
77. Take them to a scenic spot.
78. Send them a gourmet gift basket.
79. Send them a joke card.
80. Let them know when you have thought of them during the day.

81. Buy them a toy.
82. Compliment them to their friends.
83. Bring them a thirst quenching drink.
84. Tell them when they look attractive.
85. Send them a post card.
86. Invite them to a secret rendezvous.
87. Give them a massage.
88. Take a lesson with them.
89. Look at photos together of when you met.
90. Plan a vacation with them.

91. Listen openly to their opposing opinion.
92. Buy them a new piece of jewelry.
93. Watch a TV show they like with them
94. Write them a letter.
95. Listen to music with them, such as an old favorite.
96. Whisper sweet nothings in their ear.
97. Tell them what you like that they do.
98. Give a head massage.
99. Invite them to a concert.
100. Let them know you care

Tota Bolta Hai- Good One, Adult

*Ek din ek lady shop se parrot kharidne gyi....
Usne dukandar se kaha vasim bhai ek tota chahaiye....
Dukandar ne use ek tota dikaya...
Lady ne pucha is tote ki khas bat kya hai vasim bhai...
Dukan dar bola ye tota bolta hai
Lady ne kaha acha..

Usne tote se pucha main tumhe kaisi lagti huin
"Bahen ki ........... Randi lagti hai" tote ne kaha.

Lady ne kaha vasim bhai ye to bhut badtamij tota hai gali deta hai...
Vasim bhai use ander le gya aur pani me dubaya aur pucha... Gali dega.....
Tota. Hain dunga
Vasim ..phir dubaya aur pucha .gali dega"
Tota.... hain dunga....
Vasim ne phir pani me
dubaya aur kaha .gali dega..
Is bar tota man gya aur kaha nhi dunga bhai nahi dunga,,,,,
Vo use bahar le gya aur lady se kaha ye ab gali nhi dega..
Tab lady ne usse pucha ....
Agr mere ghar par mere sath ek aadmi aye to tum kya sochoge.
Tote ne kaha..ki tumhara pati hoga..
Lady..agr do aadmi aye to kya.
Tota.tumhara pati aur devar,
Lady.agr tin aadmi ..
Tota.tumhara pati ,devar,aur bhayiya.

Lady ...agar chaar aadmi aaye to....
Tota.....*

*,,*

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*vasim bhai pani lao... Maine to pehle hi kaha tha ki "Bahen Ki..........
Randi hai"*

Obama After using Fair & Lovely

This could happen to you.

The Secret of Success [True Story]

A young man asked Socrates the secret of Success. Socrates told the young man to meet him near the river the next morning.

They met and Socrates asked the young man to walk with him towards the river.

When the water got up to their neck, Socrates took the young man by surprise and ducked him into the water. The man struggled to get out but Socrates was strong and kept him there until he started turning blue.

The young man struggled hard and finally managed to get out and the first thing he did was to gasp and take deep breath. Socrates asked "What you wanted the most when you were there?" The man replied, "Air".

Socrates said "that's the secret to success. When you want success as badly as you wanted air, you will get it. There is no other secret".