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Dec 13, 2009

Why Gujratis do Good in Every Field

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.
5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah.
Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2000 people leave the room.
Kantibhai says to himself, ‘I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose If I stay. I’ll give it a try
Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 People may leave.
2000 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself ‘ I never managed anybody by myself but I have Nothing to lose if I stay.
What can happen to me?‘ So he stays……. ……

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.
500 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, ‘I left school at 15 but what have I got to
Lose?
‘ So he stays in the room..

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak, Serbo – Croat to Leave.
498 people leave the room.
Kantibhai says to himself, ‘ I do not speak one word of Serbo – Croat but what do I have to lose?
So he stays and finds himself with One other candidate.
Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said ‘Apparently you are the only two
Candidates who speak Serbo – Croat, so I’d now like to hear you have a
Conversation together in that language.’

Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says, `Kem Chhe Bapu..?
The other candidate answers ‘Ekdam Majama !!

Naked Man on football Field

You usually see People run into field during football match
but this guys run into the match, completely Naked
and the best part being he is able to run away from security guys.


Accidental Shooting Prank

We know that to commence a race
we usually fire a round in air
and the same is done in this video as well
but the result is something more than a race
What can be the result when you fire a bullet, take a look...


How the world works lately

How the world works lately... 
If a man cuts his finger off while 
slicing salami at work, 
he blames the restaurant. 

If you smoke three packs a day
 
For 40 years and die of lung cancer, 
your family blames the 
tobacco company.. 

If your neighbor crashes
 
into a tree while driving home drunk, 
he blames the bartender. 

If your grandchildren are
 
Brats without manners, 
you blame television. 

If your friend is shot by a
 
Deranged madman, 
you blame the gun manufacturer. 



And if a crazed person breaks
 
into the cockpit and 
tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, 
and the passengers 
kill him instead, 
the mother of the crazed deceased 
blames the airline. 

I must have lived too long to
 
understand the world 
as it is anymore. 

So, if I die while my
OLD WRINKLED ASS is parked in front of this computer, 
I want all of you to 
blame Bill Gates.


 

Amazing Drummer

Wow, what an amazing drummer he is. Absolutely amazing, look at his speed, at his beats you are going to love this one.


Change my room



The drunk staggered up to the hotel reception and demanded his room be changed.




"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."




"I insist on another room!!" said the drunk.








"Very good, sir. I`ll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.




"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."

30 Fascinating Cigarette Smoking Facts

 
30 Fascinating Cigarette Smoking Facts

The world’s view on smoking cigarettes has changed dramatically over the last century. The habit was once considered to be cool, sexy, good for your health, and widely enjoyed by many people. It was promoted by sportsmen, and advertised all over television. No one could be seen acting in a movie without a lit cigarette in their hand! Today, smoking is considered to be a nasty addictive habit that can kill you and those around you. You wont find them advertised anywhere - nor will you see anyone smoking inside a public building. It seems that these days smokers are considered to be anti-social and are often frowned at if seen smoking outside in crowded places. Below is a list of interesting facts about cigarettes.

1. Cigarettes are the single-most traded item on the planet, with approximately 1 trillion being sold from country to country each year. At a global take of more than $400 billion, it’s one of the world’s largest industries.

2. The nicotine content in several major brands is reportedly on the rise. Harvard University and the Massachusetts Health Department revealed that between 1997 and 2005 the amount of nicotine in Camel, Newport, and Doral cigarettes may have increased by as much as 11 percent.

3. In 1970, President Nixon signed the law that placed warning labels on cigarettes and banned television advertisements for cigarettes. The last date that cigarette ads were permitted on TV was extended by a day, from December 31, 1970 to January 1, 1971 to allow the television networks one last cash windfall from cigarette advertising in the New Year’s Day football games.

4. U.S. cigarette manufacturers now make more money selling cigarettes to countries around the globe than they do selling to Americans.

5. The American brands Marlboro, Kool, Camel and Kent own roughly 70% of the global cigarette market.

6. Cigarettes contain arsenic, formaldehyde, lead, hydrogen cyanide, nitrogen oxide, carbon monoxide, ammonia and 43 known carcinogens.

7. In the early 1950s, the Kent brand of cigarettes used crocidolite asbestos as part of the filter, a known active carcinogen.

8. Urea, a chemical compound that is a major component in urine, is used to add “flavor” to cigarettes.

9. The ‘Cork Tip’ filter was originally invented in 1925 by Hungarian inventor Boris Aivaz, who patented the process of making the cigarette filter from crepe paper. All kinds of filters were tested, although ‘cork’ is unlikely to have been one of them.

10. In most countries around the world, the legal age for the purchase of tobacco products is now 18, raised from 16, while in Japan the age minimum is 20 years old.

11. Contrary to popular social belief, it is NOT illegal to smoke tobacco products at any age. Parents are within the law to allow minors to smoke, and minors are within the law to smoke tobacco products freely. However, the SALE of tobacco products is highly regulated with legal legislation.

12. Smoking bans in many parts of the world have been employed as a means to stop smokers smoking in public. As a result, many social businesses have claimed a significant drop in the number of people who go out to pubs, bars and restaurants.

13. Scientists claim the average smoker will lose 14 years of their life due to smoking. This however does not necessarily mean that a smoker will die young - and they may still live out a ‘normal’ lifespan.

14. The U.S. states with the highest percentage of smokers are Kentucky (28.7%), Indiana (27.3%), and Tennessee (26.8%), while the states with the fewest are Utah (11.5%), California ( 15.2%), and Connecticut (16.5%).

15. Cigarettes can contain more than 4,000 ingredients, which, when burned, can also produce over 200 ‘compound’ chemicals. Many of these ‘compounds’ have been linked to lung damage.

16. The United States is the only major cigarette market in the world in which the percentage of women smoking cigarettes (22%) comes close to the number of men who smoke (35%). Europe has a slightly larger gap (46% of men smoke, 26% of women smoke), while most other regions have few women smokers. The stats: Africa (29% of men smoke, 4% of women smoke); Southeast Asia (44% of men, 4% of women), Western Pacific (60% of men, 8% of women)

17. Nicotine reaches the brain within 10 seconds after smoke is inhaled. It has been found in every part of the body and in breast milk.

18. Sugar approximates to roughly 20% of a cigarette, and many diabetics are unaware of this secret sugar intake. Also, the effect of burning sugar is unknown.

19. ‘Lite’ cigarettes are produced by infusing tobacco with CO2 and superheating it until the tobacco ‘puffs up’ like expanding foam. The expanded tobacco then fills the same paper tube as ‘regular’ tobacco.

20. Smokers draw on ‘lite’ and menthol cigarettes harder (on average) than regular cigarettes; causing the same overall levels of tar and nicotine to be consumed.

21. ‘Lite’ cigarettes are manufactured with air holes around the filter to aerate the smoke as it is drawn in. Many smokers have learned to cover these holes with their fingers or their lips to get a stronger hit.

22. The immune systems of smokers has to work harder every day than non-smokers. As a result, a smokers’ blood will contain less antioxidants, although a smokers immune system may be quicker to respond to virus attacks due to its more active nature.

23. Smokers often smoke after meals to ‘allow food to digest easier’. In fact, this works because the bodies priority moves away from the digestion of food in favor of protecting the blood cells and flushing toxins from the brain.

24. Some people (mostly males) can be aroused by the sight of smoker smoking (usually females). This is called the Smoking Fetish, and affects a small number of the population. As with most fetishes, the reason for this arousal can usually be traced back to incidents in childhood. However, cigarettes - particularly menthols, force blood away from the penis if smoked while aroused.

25. According to the World Health Organization, approximately 25% of cigarettes sold around the world are smuggled.

26. Most smokers take up the habit in their mid teens, well before the legal age for purchasing them, and is seen as a right of passage towards adulthood. Other perceived rights of passage include: aftershave, wearing stilettos, alcohol, drugs and sexual intercourse; with a combination of these sometimes being cited as the main causes of teenage pregnancy.

27. Smoking tobacco is the ultimate gateway drug in that it is legally available, and involves mastering a unique method of intake - much more so than alcohol (which has such a significant effect that users need look no further for stimulation). Smokers looking to get ‘high’ will very rarely do so from cigarettes after the initial stages of taking up the habit.

28. Smokers generally report a variety of after-effects; such as calmness, relaxation, alertness, stimulation, concentration and many others. In fact, smoking will produce a different effect in each individual depending on ‘what they expect to get’; turning the cigarette into the worlds most popular placebo (satisfying the brains hunger for nicotine being the only ‘relaxing’ factor). The smoker will then use these expectations as a means to continue the habit.

29. Several active ingredients and special methods of production are involved in making sure the nicotine in a cigarette is many times more potent than that of a tobacco plant.


30. ‘Toppings’ are added to the blended tobacco mix to add flavor and a taste unique to the manufacturer. Some of these toppings have included; clove, licorice, orange oil, apricot stone, lime oil, lavender oil, dill seed oil, cocoa, carrot oil, mace oil, myrrh, beet juice, bay leaf, oak, rum, vanilla, and vinegar.

 



World’s largest poker table

Built in 2007 for the promotion of a movie called Wise Guys On Texas Hold’Em, this giant poker table is 30 feet long and 12 feet wide making it the largest poker table ever built. You don’t know what happened to it after the whole movie promotion thing ended but you are pretty sure it’s still kept as an attraction or maybe just in case some players want to play at a…whole other level. 



THE HORTH WHITHPERER

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.  

His buddy asks, 'How will I recognize him?    'That's easy; he's a dwarf with a speech impediment'  

So, the dwarf shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.  

'A female horth..'  

So he shows him a prized filly.  

'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?'  

So the guy picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?'  

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.    

'Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf?'  

The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

'Nice mouf, can I see her twat?'  

Totally mad at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the dwarf's head up the horse's fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.  

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.  

'Perhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?' 

Circumcised (this is priceless!)



A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said. 'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.'

KIDS
; DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THEM??

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