Dec 7, 2009
Certain Things In Life !
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.
"May I help you?" she asked.
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one-hundred dollar bills, gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row--too expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000.
Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs.
After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.
The man replied, "South Carolina."
"Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."
"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
"May I help you?" she asked.
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one-hundred dollar bills, gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row--too expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000.
Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs.
After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.
The man replied, "South Carolina."
"Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."
"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
I am a Father(funny Joke)
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that. "
The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way.. "
The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that. "
The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way.. "
The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."
Aam hai kya
Part 1
A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks ... 'Aam hai kya?'
The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi. Hum Aam nahi bejte.'
Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him ...'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets a little irritated and says... 'Aare Bola na, Hum 'Aam nahi Bechte'
On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him 'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets wild and yells ...'Bola na naahi. Abhi vapas aaya to hathoda marunga sar ke upar'
The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him ..'hathoda hai kya ?'
The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi'
The parrot then asks ... 'Aam hai kya ?'
Part-2
The next day parrot again goes to shopkeeper and asks
"Aam hai kya??"
The shopkeeper is ready now....
He quickly pulls a hammer and hits the parrot on the face.
The parrot looses all his teeth
But determined, parrot again goes 2 the shopkeeper next day n asks
Scroll Down
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"AAM KA JUICE HAI KYA???"
A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks ... 'Aam hai kya?'
The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi. Hum Aam nahi bejte.'
Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him ...'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets a little irritated and says... 'Aare Bola na, Hum 'Aam nahi Bechte'
On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him 'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets wild and yells ...'Bola na naahi. Abhi vapas aaya to hathoda marunga sar ke upar'
The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him ..'hathoda hai kya ?'
The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi'
The parrot then asks ... 'Aam hai kya ?'
Part-2
The next day parrot again goes to shopkeeper and asks
"Aam hai kya??"
The shopkeeper is ready now....
He quickly pulls a hammer and hits the parrot on the face.
The parrot looses all his teeth
But determined, parrot again goes 2 the shopkeeper next day n asks
Scroll Down
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"AAM KA JUICE HAI KYA???"
Is windows a virus ??
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.
4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.
5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug
1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.
4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.
5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug
Laugh... with Viagara
At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines. Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.
The first pupil said: 'Tylenol?'
'Very good! And what is it used for?'
'It is used for a headache.'
The second pupil said: 'Nytol.'
'Excellent!' said Sister Catherine. 'And what it is used for?'
'To help you sleep', replied the student.
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: 'Viagra.'
'And what is it used for, Johnny?' asked the surprised Sister catherine.
'It is used for diarrhea.'
'And who told you this, Johnny?'
'Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a viagra, and maybe that shit will get harder.''
Sister Catherine fainted.
The first pupil said: 'Tylenol?'
'Very good! And what is it used for?'
'It is used for a headache.'
The second pupil said: 'Nytol.'
'Excellent!' said Sister Catherine. 'And what it is used for?'
'To help you sleep', replied the student.
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: 'Viagra.'
'And what is it used for, Johnny?' asked the surprised Sister catherine.
'It is used for diarrhea.'
'And who told you this, Johnny?'
'Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a viagra, and maybe that shit will get harder.''
Sister Catherine fainted.
Pause and ponder
A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint.
The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into a pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.
Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands.
When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?"
The father went home and committed suicide.
Think about the story the next time you see someone spill milk at a dinner table or hear a baby crying. Think first before you lose your patience with someone u love.
Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.
********
Pause and ponder. Think before you act. Be patient. Understand and love.
Sick Leave
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted “Crazy” then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who’s blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, So, that the Boss might think I was “Crazy” and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, “What in the name of good GOD are you doing?”
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, “You are clearly stressed out.”
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.”
I jumped down and walked out of the office…
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, “..And where do you think you’re going?!”
(You’re gonna love this….)
She said, “I’m going home too. I can’t work in the dark.
I thought that maybe if I acted “Crazy” then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who’s blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, So, that the Boss might think I was “Crazy” and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, “What in the name of good GOD are you doing?”
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, “You are clearly stressed out.”
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.”
I jumped down and walked out of the office…
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, “..And where do you think you’re going?!”
(You’re gonna love this….)
She said, “I’m going home too. I can’t work in the dark.
Men’s Thesaurus
1.”I’M GOING FISHING”
Means: “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and Stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”
2.”IT’S A GUY THING”
Means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, And you have no chance at all of making it logical”.
3.”CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”
Means: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
4.”UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR…”
Means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
5.”IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”
Means: “I have no idea how it works.”
6.”I WAS LISTENING TO YOU, IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.”
Means: “I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.”
7.”TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD”.
Means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
8.”THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.”
Means: “Are you still talking?”
9.”YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
Means: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of The first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of Every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”
10.”I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES”.
Means: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”
11.”OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT’S NO BIG DEAL.”
Means: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death Before I admit that I’m hurt.”
12.”HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING”.
Means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”
13.”I CAN’T FIND IT.”
Means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
14.”WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?”
Means: “What did you catch me at?”
15.”I HEARD YOU.”
Means: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am Hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t Spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”
16.”YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.”
Means: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”
17.”YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.”
Means: “Please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.”
18.”I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”
Means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”
19.”WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.”
Means: “I make the messes, she cleans them up.”
Means: “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and Stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”
2.”IT’S A GUY THING”
Means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, And you have no chance at all of making it logical”.
3.”CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”
Means: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
4.”UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR…”
Means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
5.”IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”
Means: “I have no idea how it works.”
6.”I WAS LISTENING TO YOU, IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.”
Means: “I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.”
7.”TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD”.
Means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
8.”THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.”
Means: “Are you still talking?”
9.”YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
Means: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of The first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of Every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”
10.”I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES”.
Means: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”
11.”OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT’S NO BIG DEAL.”
Means: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death Before I admit that I’m hurt.”
12.”HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING”.
Means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”
13.”I CAN’T FIND IT.”
Means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
14.”WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?”
Means: “What did you catch me at?”
15.”I HEARD YOU.”
Means: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am Hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t Spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”
16.”YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.”
Means: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”
17.”YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.”
Means: “Please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.”
18.”I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”
Means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”
19.”WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.”
Means: “I make the messes, she cleans them up.”
25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP
25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit what the hell happened?”
BONUS:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass.
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit what the hell happened?”
BONUS:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass.
Men are honest…nice story
Honorable MEN
Must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to understand man)
If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it!
“One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, “No.”
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.”
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”
The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”
“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”
The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE “Is this your wife?” the Lord asked..
“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”
The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said ‘no’ to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care
of all three wives, so THAT’S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE .”
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.
That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it! – ” MEN!!!!!! ARE HONORABLE
Must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to understand man)
If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it!
“One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, “No.”
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.”
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”
The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”
“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”
The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE “Is this your wife?” the Lord asked..
“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”
The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said ‘no’ to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care
of all three wives, so THAT’S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE .”
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.
That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it! – ” MEN!!!!!! ARE HONORABLE
Wife 1.0 vs GirlFriend7.0
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Golfing 3.6.
I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks, Troubled User…..
_____________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software manual under augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!
Best of luck,
Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Golfing 3.6.
I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks, Troubled User…..
_____________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software manual under augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!
Best of luck,
Tech Support
Why men are never depressed?
Men Are Just Happier People–
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness..
Your underwear is $9.50 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes — one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 24 relatives on 24th December in 24 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness..
Your underwear is $9.50 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes — one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 24 relatives on 24th December in 24 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
An Old Monkey Story With A New Ending
It’s an old story that we read in Class 3 but with a new ending.
A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke
up and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats.
The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down. While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the monkeys were doing the same.
Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to his mind* He took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So
he finally managed to get all his hats back.
Fifty years later, his grandson, Sukhwinder, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left thehats on the floor.
He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree.
He remembered his grandfather’s words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed.
He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed.
Now, very convinced of his grandfather’s idea, Sukhwinder threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.
Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and Guess!!! Said what???
****************
*************..
***********..
*********..
********
*****..
****.
***
**.
*.
*
.
.
.
“You think only you have a grandfather !!!???”
A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke
up and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats.
The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down. While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the monkeys were doing the same.
Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to his mind* He took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So
he finally managed to get all his hats back.
Fifty years later, his grandson, Sukhwinder, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left thehats on the floor.
He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree.
He remembered his grandfather’s words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed.
He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed.
Now, very convinced of his grandfather’s idea, Sukhwinder threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.
Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and Guess!!! Said what???
****************
*************..
***********..
*********..
********
*****..
****.
***
**.
*.
*
.
.
.
“You think only you have a grandfather !!!???”
Hamara bachpan kuch khaas tha [Indian TV in 1980's]
Are you missing those days? Sometimes I do
Doordharshan Logo
Doordarshan's ScreenSaver
Bharath Ek Khoj
Alif Laila
Byomkesh Bakshi
Tehkikaat
HeMan
Salma Sultana DD News Reader
Malgudi Days
Mile Sur Mera Tumhara
Surabhi : Renuka Sahane and Siddharth
Turning Point
Unforgettable - Ramayan
Dekh Bhai Dekh
Vicco Turmeric nahi cosmetic
Washing Powder Nirma doodh si safedi
I’m a Complan Boy(Shahid Kapoor) and I’m a Complan Girl (Ayesha Takia)How did one survive growing up in the 80’s and 90’s?
We had no seatbelts, no airbags and sitting in the back of a truck was a treat…
Our baby prams had the most gorgeous lead based colours…
No such thing as tamper proof bottle tops…
Opening kitchen cupboards was a breeze… as safety locks were unheard off…
Cycling was like a breath of fresh air…
No safety helmets, knee pads or elbow pads, with plenty of cardboards between spokes to make it sound like a motorbike…
When thirsty we only drank tap water, bottled water was still a mystery…
We kept busy collecting bits & pieces so we could build all sort of things … and we were fearless on our bikes even when the brakes failed going downhill…
We were showing off how tough we are, by how high we could climb trees & then jumping down….It was great fun….
We could stay out to play for hours, as long as we got back before dark, in time for dinner…
We walked to school, or sometimes we even rode our bike.
We had no mobile phones, but we always managed to find each other…. How? No one knows…
We ate everything in sight, cakes, bread, chocolate, ice-cream, sweet sugary drinks, yet, we stayed skinny by fooling around.
And if one of us was lucky to find a 1 litre coca cola bottle we all had a swag from it & guess what? Nobody picked up any germs…
We did not have Play Stations, MP3, Nintendo’s, I-Pods, Video games, 99 Cable TV channels, DVD’s, Home Cinema, Mobile phones, Home Computers, Laptops, Chat-rooms, Internet, etc … BUT, we had REAL FRIENDS!!!!
We called on friends to come out to play, never rang the doorbell, just went around the back…
We loved being let loose in the big bad world…without bodyguards…
We played with sticks and stones, played cowboys and Indians, doctors and nurses, hide and seek, soccer games, over and over again…
When we failed our exams we were given a second chance by simply repeating the same grade…without visiting psychiatrists, psychologists or counselors…
Such were the days…
I Just can’t stop smiling,Am sure U will have the same ……………..